𝐎𝐁𝐉𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 ― s. reid¹

𝐗𝐕𝐈𝐈

• 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚗 ; leaving

𝚕. 𝚍𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚢'𝚜 𝚙.𝚘.𝚟.

       ANOTHER WEEK PASSED. i was determined to go back to work and stop wallowing in my apartment. i wanted to help more people, and i wanted to feel normal again.

     emily has dropped off some paperwork i had to sign, basically saying i wouldn't sue the bureau for literally getting kidnapped on their time. i held nothing against the bureau, i never did. i simply put my signature on a few papers. emily offered to take them to hotchner for me, but i firmly insisted that i needed to get out of the house.

     it was about eight in the morning. i got out of bed, brushed my hair, and put on some mascara so i didn't look completely dead. as my coffee was brewing in the kitchen, i tried to choose some clothes to wear. since i hadn't left the house in such a long time, it felt like a bigger deal than it really was. i settles on a pair of dark wash jeans and a chunky blue sweater. i know, thrilling.

     i was drinking my coffee when i got a text from emily saying that i was free to come in any time. eager to leave the house, i grabbed my keys and walked to my car. i was going to go to the office, drop off the papers and say hello to everyone, then maybe even go get coffee after and read a book. i was ready to be productive again.

    more than anything though, i was anxious to see spencer.

    the trees passed me one by one as i daydreamed begins the wheel of seeing him, hugging him, telling him how much i've missed him and how i'm so ready to get back to work. i didn't think about danny, or archie, or anyone else; just me and spencer reid.

     i arrived in my old parking spot at around 8:45. i walked in the building, using my id to get in, striding confidently up to the correct floor. there were butterflies in stomach that i dismissed as excitement. it was anxiety.

     when i got off of the elevator and the big glass doors to the bau were in front of me, the butterfly feeling spread to every inch of my body. down to each one of my fingertips, i was feeling jittery. i thought it was simply because i hadn't been to work in a while and i was excited to see everyone. oh how i wish that were the case.

     ignoring the red signs, i opened the door and walked into the bau, glancing around the room at everyone in the bullpen. they all looked up the sound of the door closing, only to see a statue in the shape of lucy de loughrey staring back at them. i froze. it was like i couldn't bring myself to move. the underwater sounds boomed like sonic in my ears. my vision went in and out of haziness. i was having a panic attack. i just didn't know it.

     yet i still tried to shake it. i smiled after a few seconds, waving at everyone and they said random things like "hey!" and "look whose back!" and "we've missed you!"

     i started to move my feet towards hotchner's office, but i noticed out of the corner of my eye that i didn't see spencer. he wasn't at his desk. but i didn't have much time to speculate about his whereabouts, because soon enough he walked right up to me with a cup of fresh coffee in his hand. i looked at his face, his beautiful face, but it looked distorted. i couldn't focus on a single point, like his eyes, but rather my eyes were darting and trying to avoid eye contact. it made me deeply uncomfortable to be that close to him, and i didn't know why. the feeling of his body heat, a respectful distance away from me even, made me want to fall to the floor.