Gartha Meets Geo

Fish Patties?

I'm sitting in Applied English 7 and it's only 2 hours until lunchtime. My stomach growls as I remember the fish and tartar sauce combo. Tartar sauce has a big meaning in my heart. When I was a wee gal, my mama used to put tartar sauce in my baby bottle. One time I choked on it and Uncle JuJu had to do the heimlich. He loved it though. He's a big fan of tartar sauce. It's his favorite condiment. My stomach rumbles once again and pulls me back into reality. I sneak a quick glance to my left and right to see if anyone has snacks. I can feel a binge coming on. There are only three other people in my class. Alejandro, a short latina boy who I used to have a crush on. Carli Ray Jeppsin, a sassy dumb cunt who has the same name as a famous singer. That's what makes her popular. Last but not least, Lolita, her name used to be Heidi but she changed it after she downloaded Tumblr. I lurk over to Lolita's desk and spot a pukey looking substance   

"Do you have anything other than this puke?" I questioned.

Lolita looks up as she writing in her journal and grips her acai bowl. 

"This is MY acai bowl and if you don't leave me alone I will put a cap in your ass!" She screeched.

When the clock strikes 12, I sprint through the hallway like the crazy freshman I am. I burst through the doors, but I realize I have to poop first. I clamber over to the bathroom and waltz in. In the bathroom, it smells like fish patties as well. I'm guessing it's from the lunch before me. A senior, named Micki, walks in. The grease rolls down her forehead and she walks toward me.

"Now, what the gosh darn heck are you doing in here babe?" She questioned as she picked the acne scabs off of her back.

"I was just.. uhhh... rightfully taking a fucking dump. I like your style though. Maybe we could hang sometime. I'm a freshie, haha, I know. I'm not like the others though."

"Sure, I guess. Also what the fuck is that stank. Like, are we grilling salmon in here?"

"Uhm, you know fish patties are for lunch. No need to judge."

Micki grins and then says, "Yeah I know. I had last lunch. Took a fatty dump after, too. Also, I'm pretty sure that fish odor is you, stank stank. Don't worry, I like it. Anyways, you smoke crack?"

I get nervous. "Uhm no, but my mama does."

"You know what. You should come to that party this weekend. We'll definitely have some goods there, if you know what I mean." She giggles and then skips out of the loo.

I exit the bathroom after her and see Lolita sitting on the floor.

I smirked at her, looked down, and grabbed her cheese its, ran over to Mrs. Taint and grabbed some fish patties. I skirt out of the school. I walk over to a secret spot near my trailer. I squat down and sort of feel gassy, oh shit I forgot to take a dump. Whatever. I start mowing down on the tartar, fish patties, and cheese its. I rip out my journal and start writing.

Caloric Intake - WAY over the charts

I sit under this pussy willow and think about my days. I wanna do something... Something CRAZY. I hear my crush, Felix, is going to Micki's party this weekend. Maybe we could do crack together. Felix makes me feel some type of way. Almost like my thoughts are eavesdropping on the blue jay of the forest.

Waiting until the bus comes so my mama doesn't get all riled up.

Signing off, Garthi