Just a Mask.

I Understand

        I understand how you feel. The rush of tears that won't stop at night. The pain in your mind from all the thoughts. The twisted, muddled feeling your gut gets when you think too much. I understand the circle of lies you put yourself through. That constant pain that won't end because you can't stop thinking. When will your pain end? You don't understand that I understand completely. I've been there. I'm still there...Do you know when you wake up and you just feel that it's going to be a bad day? You get out of bed and almost fall over from exhaustion. When your eyes get heavy and your hand starts to shake? 

        "Why are you shaking? Did you eat? Did you sleep?" 

        I understand getting pelted with questions. The questions you can't answer truthfully. You wish so much you could tell them the truth. That the last time you had three full meals in one day was weeks ago. Probably months. That you got around three hours of sleep. And that you get excited when you get five to six hours of sleep. 

        You slept... barely.

        You ate... Two days ago. 

        I get it. I know how you feel. That panic you get when your sleeve rolls up. When you're pointing at something and have to put your hand down because you're shaking too much. I get it. 

        "You like those bracelets don't you?"

        You nodd. You grin. "Yep, so many memories." Many memories of pain. Many tears were shed. You wear them to hide your scars. You can't show anyone. They'll question you. You can't get questioned. You can't get asked "Where are those from?" you can't make another excuse.

        I get it.

        I understand.

       And I'm sorry. I'm sorry you understand as well. I wish you didn't have to be put through that pain. I wish you didn't have to cut yourself. I wish you didn't have to starve yourself. And that you could be free and happy. I wish you didn't want to die. That you'd see that people love you. That I love you even though I may not know you. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Just find that little things that you love. That you love profusely. And then hold onto it with all your might. Hold onto it and make that your reason you are living. Even if it's music. Even if it's just a simple little picture from three years ago. HOLD. ONTO. IT. Don't give up. There is an end to this. There is. I want to help you if I can. I hope you know that I understand. And you aren't alone. Someone you know understands. Someone does. Maybe they seem happy and perfect, but I bet there is something they are hiding. Something you can relate to. Maybe not everything. But there is something. I bet you there is something they relate to. Maybe you can help each other.

        But before I close. Just know... you aren't alone. I love you. And so do others. Even if they seem like they don't, deep down they do. Some just have trouble showing it. You aren't alone. I understand how you feel.

        ~Stay strong~