Keep Me Close

Chapter 1

Sophia's POV

"Congratulations, class of 2017. Friends and family, you are now looking at the new doctors of today. You are now graduates!"

The crowed erupted in cheers and everybody stood around me. I instinctively threw my cap into the air, taking a moment to stare at the sky and watch the clouds move to the east. The wind was cool in the Virginia heat. I was snapped back to reality when I felt a pair of arms embrace me into a hug. I looked down to see Melanie jumping up and down.

"WE FUCKING DID IT SOPHIE! WE FUCKING MADE IT!" She screamed in my face, a few droplets of spit flying into my eye. I couldn't help but laugh at her as I wrapped my arms tightly around her.

Melanie and I were roommates our freshman year in college. We bonded over the fact that we were the youngest people in all of our classes, and our mutual love for psychology. We've been inseparable ever since.

"We did didn't we?" I brought myself to smile, as I couldn't stop thinking about how proud my dad would be of me. God I wish he was here.

Melanie was pulling me out of the crowd to help her find her family. Everybody around us was still cheering. Hats and carnations were landing to the ground, and the laughs were never ending. I couldn't help but wonder what it was like to feel the emotions they were experiencing.

Should I be? Why wasn't I more excited?

"Mom! Dad!" My thoughts were reeled back when Melanie was now sprinting in the direction of her family. I pat myself on the back for choosing to wear converse today.

"Ah sweetie! Congratulations!" Her mom was pulling her into a hug and planting kisses around her face. Her mom caught sight of me and she immediately moved from Melanie to me. Her arms wrapped tightly around my waist and held onto me for a moment longer than her daughter.

"I just know that your dad is smiling down at you right now Sophie. Know that he's proud." She whispered in my ear and gave me a soft kiss on my temple. I had held it together for most of the ceremony, but when I heard those words, I couldn't help the tear that rolled down my cheek, and onto her sweater.

"Thank you, Mrs. Turner. I really needed that." I pulled away and wiped my eyes before more droplets fell. She placed her hand on my shoulder and gave me an empathetic smile.

"Congratulations Sophia. You girls earned this moment." Mr. Turner was now giving me a tight squeeze. I looked over his shoulder to see Melanie crying with her grandma, who was now in a wheelchair, and I couldn't help but feel sorry. I knew it meant everything for her to be here, and I knew that it might be the last event she would ever attend of hers.

Melanie's family had taken me in as their own when I met her. There was a families weekend during the second month of school, and after a deep conversation with Mel one Friday night, she had allowed me to spend the whole weekend with her and her family. I never forgot that weekend. It was the most joy I had felt in years. I cried to Melanie after that, and she had merely told me, "you're family now. No ifs, ands, or buts about it."

Melanie was back at my side, and the photo taking that ensued after graduation had commenced. I tried to put on my best smile, not for myself, but for Melanie's sake. I couldn't let her know how I was really feeling. This was her day.

"Do you want to come with us to dinner?" Melanie was taking her gown off and placing it into her left arm, with her graduation cap held in the other.

"Um, I think I'm going to have to pass today. I'm getting a headache from the heat." I lied. I had other plans, but I didn't want Mel to know.

"Are you sure?" She held onto my hand and gave it a squeeze, looking at me with concerned eyes and furrowed brows.

"Really, I'm sure. Have fun okay?" I pulled her close and gave her a tight hug. "I love you Mel, tell your parents I said thank you."

"Call me when you're home, okay? I love you too girl." She rubbed my back as she walked away to join the rest of her family.

I began walking towards the parking lot of the auditorium, my fingers fiddling with the sleeves of my gown. I watched parents applaud their graduates, and peers who hugged their classmates tightly while taking photos for their scrapbooks. They were so full of life. So full of energy. So happy.

I couldn't ignore the pain in my stomach as I continued walking. My car was in sight now, as I felt relieved that the journey was nearly over. That this day was almost over.

Was it wrong of me to wish I was them? Was it wrong to feel jealous? Was I being selfish?

It took me so many sleepless nights and breakdowns to get to where I was today, and don't get me wrong, I was proud of my achievements, but there was a numbness to it that I couldn't ignore.

I was in my car now, and my fingers were clutching tightly to my steering wheel. I hadn't bothered to take my gown off yet, and since my car had turned into a sauna it was now sticking to my ass.

Lovely, I thought.

I turned the ignition and began my drive to the place I promised I would spend my graduation celebration at when I was 16.

With my dad.

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"Um, hey dad. It's me, Soph."

I was standing before a slab of stone that was planted deep into the grass. My hands were held around the carnation from the ceremony. I had saved it for this reason.

Here lies Jason Gonzales. Beloved uncle, neighbor, and above all, a father.
May 7, 1972- December 25, 2009.

I walked closer to the headstone and ran my finger along the dates. He was only 37 when he left me. I was 16. It was Christmas.

"So uh, I- I graduated today. You can call me Doctor Soph now." I took a seat beside the grave and leaned against the stone. I laughed silently to myself at the stupid joke I made. But I know he would've been laughing too. That's how he was.

"I brought you something to remember it pops. I wish you could have been there to see it. Physically, that is. I'm hoping you saw from up there." My eyes were beginning to burn, and my throat was hurting from trying to keep it together.

"I hope you're doing well up there with nana and papa. I miss you down here. A lot." My voice was breaking now. The flood was rolling out of my red eyes as I tried to keep the sobs from erupting out of my throat.

"I love you. I'm going to make you proud, okay? Promise." I kissed my thumb and pressed it against my fathers name. There was no stopping my cries now. It was flowing out of me like a dam that had just broke. I sank my body against the cold rock and placed the flower on the grass. This never got any easier.

I was beginning to think that it would never get any easier.