Schoolgirl's Crush {girlxgirl}

Chapter 4

        My breathing slows and we sit on my floor in silence. She is still breathing heavily but she doesn't seem scared. I sit up and look at her and realize I was wrong. She looks terrified and curious.

        "I guess I have some explaining to do," I say, shifting my gaze from her to my multi-colored circle rug.

        "That would be nice," She says, wearily.

        I take a deep breath and begin telling her what happened on the day my life shattered.

        "Everything was fine until he started drinking after work. He would come home and yell a lot, but he never hit me or my mom. He came home one day and said we were going out. I asked where, but he told me it was a surprise. We pulled up to this scuzzy motel and he bought a room. He took off my pajamas and started... touching. My mom was sexually assaulted when she was younger, so she would tell me little things about this all the time. Things like "Drinking isn't an excuse to let people do things you don't want to," and "Don't every let men touch you where they aren't supposed to, unless you say so." I started screaming and crying. Luckily, a woman in one of the other rooms heard me and called the police. He went to jail and is never getting out. I still have serious trauma, though. I get flash backs and panic attacks, as you just saw, and I get nightmares and go through waves of depression."

         I stop to look at her response. I don't know what she is making of all of this because I've been facing the floor with my eyes closed the whole time. She looks even more scared and confused then the last time I looked at her.

        "Wow... I- I don't even know what to say..." She says. I'm positive this is the end. Every other time I told someone I was seeing about this they left. I guess they thought of me as damaged, soiled.
I start becoming angry. How dare she think this! I am damaged, but shouldn't that give me more reason to need love? I can love just as good as people who aren't 'soiled'.

        "You can leave like the rest of them. I know I'm broken and no one likes broken things," I spit out at her.

        "What are you talking about?! I'm not going to break up with you because you were sexually assaulted! That's a douche bag move," She says, looking me in the eyes. "I really, really, like you. I'm not going anywhere."

        I feel my anger subside and continue what I was saying, "so after he left me and my mom moved. It was hard because she was a stay at home mom. She had to get a job quickly and find a new house and everything. It was easier to move here because I got the scholarship. Only, it isn't a normal scholarship..."

        "What do you mean?" She asked, confused.

        "Well, the school has this thing called a Traumatic Event Scholarship." I explain, " They help kids with lower incomes who have suffered a traumatic event and give them free schooling."

        "Wow. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. If there is anything I can do or if I'm moving too fast just let me know," she says, pulling me into a hug. I know at that moment that this is real. She isn't going anywhere.

Short chapter this time but thank you so much for reading!