The Ghost Of You

Ghosts

I always feel trapped
Surrounded by hostile words from terrible people
Shoving words down my throat like slut or whore
Because hating myself so much I feel the need to drown it out with boys is slutty
If only they'd known
But it's not like I can ever tell anyone about my secrets
Secrets I shove in a box with a lock and key
Something I learned from the world a long time ago because being yourself is to much for this world
Like I ever cared about the people in this world
But the world itself it's accepting
At least I feel like I can finally be free when I'm venturing in the woods in the backyard
Hearing the wind bringing words of wisdom and the birds bringing songs of acceptance
The woods is the only place I'd ever feel at peace
Completely withdrawn from the world behind me
Leaving the family that taught me to be what others wanted me to be
And the siblings that picked on me for the boyfriends I never had
The woods just pushes it all behind me leaving it into dust
Until I hear my name being called out by mom telling me it's getting late
So I fake a smile and walk back inside
Back to the same routine of pleasing boys and hating myself even more for it
But when I opened my eyes the next day everything felt odd
Odd like not sure if dr. Seus was on drugs or just crazy
Making up silly rhymes that pleased my mind as a child
Back when I thought everything was perfect
But today was less than the usual perfect day I have
Even the woods felt different
I began to cry as I start to believed I have died
Dead like my grandmother in the hospital after the fifth time she's fallen but I'm pretty sure she knew she was gone
So what is this then?

My mind wonders to other possibilities but soon I hear a slight "hello"
Almost like a childish hello that I heard from my cousins
Soft and smooth yet strong and bossy
I hear it again and look around
But all I see is leaves falling blurring the gaps between the trees