Philophobia | Adam Banks (2)

The letters

Adam Banks leaned against his headboard taking a deep breath, the boy didnt know if he was ready to read his letter. He decided with Shaking hands to tear the letter open slowly. Tears filled his eyes as he saw the familiar handwriting of Elliot Cruise.

Hey Ad,   If you're reading this then its been decided my time on this earth has come to an end. I know its coming anyway, the doctor didnt give me long so I figured id write out letters, just incase I dont get to say everything I want to say to your face. It's hard, the idea of saying it to your face, watching your reaction when I say I'm dying . I know its selfish but I want to live my life without pity, I dont want you all to know because if you know you' ll be sad and I want my days left to be happy. You Adam Banks are one of the most selfless people I've ever met on this, you constantly put other peoples needs infront of your own. I always loved you for that, the memories we made and the times  we have spent together I will forever cherish. Im not going to lie, dying sucks, it really sucks Ad, im in constant fear that any day could be my last but ive come to realise death is a part of life, the goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create memories, moments and friendships that will and im so glad we did just that. 

I know that you will want to cry and mourn me and im not going to stop you but I beg please don't live your life in sadness over me. I promise ill be up in heaven watching, guiding and supporting you until we can meet again at another time. I know it will be hard but please look after Alex, I love him and I will forever love him and I cant help imagine how my death is hurting him, I hope he moves on quick but I just know he wont.

The Core 4 hasn't ended, its just taking a break, we will meet again I promise you.

I am at peace, I am no longer in pain. just know that 

I love you so much 

-El

Adam Banks let out a shaky breath as he let the tears flow down his face not even bothering to wipe them, he smiled as he looked up at the roof, knowing Ellie was up watching him read the letter.

Lexi Summer felt her whole body shake as she opened her letter. She wasn't sure what it was going to say but she knew she needed to know, she realised she was already crying. The girl quickly wiped her eyes and started reading

Lexi Summer, My Best friend

I'm sorry, im so sorry I didnt tell you I was dying I just didnt know how. I  wasn't ready to see the heartbreak on your face when I told you, I just couldn't do it.  Unfortunately if you're reading this it means that I am no longer physically with you, but just know I will always be with you in your heart. Every goddamn step of the way. You my best friend were the reason I got out of bed in the morning sometimes, when things got hard I held on because we promised each other that we could get through this mess of life and age together. I'm sorry I broke my promise, im sorry I couldn't grow old with you. 

The memories we made Lexi were irreplaceable and I know you'll try to blame yourself and say you weren't there for me but just know you were you always were, you were my support system and I depended on you way more than you know. 

Growing up beside you and being able to call you my best friend was the biggest honour I have ever had, you Alexis Summer are one of a kind and please remember that. You are wanted, you are loved and you will forever be in my heart. 

Life is cruel, its taken me away well before my time, I wont ever get to tell Alex I love him, I wont ever get to drive a car or go to prom or have children and that just sucks I know.  Someone should tell us at the start of our lives when we will die because then we will live life to its limit, every minute of every day. Thats my biggest regret not living life. Please Lexi live life for me because we never know how many tomorrows we have. I am always looking down on you Lexi and im sorry because I know how much my death with hurt you. Just know im happy, im not longer in any pain I promise you Lexi.  

So go live your life, embrace your inner Ellie and kick some ass

It will get better Lexi Summer. I promise. 

- Love Ellie

Lexi looked up, tears flowing heavily down her face, Elliot told her it would be okay, it would get better. She promised her she was okay up in heaven. The girl felt herself begin sobbing as she took in her friends Handwriting and message, she felt relief when she read Ellie would be okay but was overcome with grief all over again when reading about the pain her friend had been going through, the girl  turned to look at Adam who was looking at her sadly, she hopped up and ran into his arms grasping on to him tightly.

Alex Larson knew his letter would hurt. He knew it wouldn't feel good but he also knew that he needed to know what it said. He pulled it open tears already rolling at the first line.

Alex, My Love

I'm so sorry I didnt tell you what was happening, but how do you tell someone you care about so much that you will no longer get to spend anymore time on this earth with them. Im afraid Alex, im afraid to die, before ive even lived.  I dont like knowing that ill be gone for so long, that you'll all have to move on with your lives and grow up and I just wont be apart of it.

My one regret in life is not being able to ever tell you I loved you, but I guess im doing it now. I love you Alex Larson. Did you know that I loved you? I probably made it obvious but im going to keep saying it anyway. Theres no lies in these words, not one bit, your smile keeps me alive, its one more reason for me to keep fighting, but alas I can only fight so hard and if you are reading this then I guess I lost. I know you'll cry when I die but please dont let the tears spoil the beautiful smiles you gave me when I was alive. 

 For so long you were my rock, I never got to thank you for all the times you defend me from bullies, or all the times you told me I was beautiful, those comments may not have meant much to you but to me I found myself going home and smiling for hours.

Please know im not in pain, well at least not in death. The only ache that I feel is the heartache I suffer when I realise that I wont get to share my life with you, we wont ever get to have the classic love story that we both deserve, we wont get to grow old together and that tears me apart inside.  Please if you love me back dont spend the rest of your life alone. Mourn me and move on, because your happiness to me is everything Alex Larson. 

I may not be with you physically Alex but I will always be with you spiritually, following you on your journey. I will never let anything happen to you. I promise.

- All my love Lio 

Alex couldn't hold his tears back as he let out heart wrenching sobs. Mourning for the girl he loved. Lexi shot off of her spot on the bed and pulled the boy into a hug, she was shortly followed by Adam. The three teens said nothing just clinging on to each other.

"She wouldnt want us to cry" Lexi choked out, "she wants us to live, for her".