This Ain't a Fairytale ➳ caмʀҽŋ au

vii - jealous green

You couldn't sleep after that, the bedroom window of yours creaks from time to time. You watch as the night storm pours outside, the black sky joins in your sadness. You manage to sleep again at 4 o'clock - an hour before your alarm hits 5.

First class starts in 3 hrs.

****

Today's Friday, the last day before weekends, so as to avoid Camila at all cost, you (tried to) pretend that you're sick. You said to your mom that your whole body was sore from all the baseball practice.

Well half- truth is, your feet and thighs are still sore from all that running. But she still persuades you and says in an unarguable logic that - it's only one more day before weekends, so you can make it.

There was no arguing on that because you didn't want Clara to start scolding you in Spanish, because that shit means you're about to get intense reprimanding for breakfast (also means, no actual breakfast - AT ALL!)

After getting ready for your long day of enduring, you took the bus to school not wanting to join Camila. It feels like unknown territory, as you didn't know the difference of what it feels like when you are without her. This morning feels different, like how the bus seems to take much longer to reach your school than you remember. Your impatient eyes notice many wrappers squeezed between the seats. You unfold it and started counting them, a drawing of raibow-shape squid caught your eyes. You smile then frowned deep when the word "dyke" was scrawled beside it.

The ride to school is worse, silent, a mocking question mark of Camila staring at you face.
The flaws in your life now magnified without her beside you. The startling realization made you almost want to cry, it's no more than a day after that kiss and you already feel so depleted - Like there's a gaping hole in your chest the size of Camila.

You've never felt so ... incomplete.

****

The massive gates of the Elites glitters, on the top of it - emblazoned in royal blue letters, is the abbreviated letters of your campus university staring back at you. You feel numb all over, but not from the February coldness. For a moment you rocked from heel to toe, glancing from the letters then back down to your beat up winter boots with a hole noticeable on it. Your hands crossed to your chest, contemplating if this is worth it for your parent's money, if it's even worth it for you to be in this university. For a moment your heart skids like ice, your heart stops when you think it's Camila on the grounds. She turns around but it's only another brunette with the same black posh coat, complementary to what you've seen Camila wearing twice on campus ground.

You can't decide if you wanted to see - talk to her, or not.

She's at the other side of the campus, Your feet wanting to be there but also wanting to run as far away from her at the same time.

She's so confusing

***

You made your way through at the campus, hugging your coat, bowing your head and pulling your black beanie downward. You shivered a little noticing the icy flakes of grass at your feet, the 6:45 sun nowhere to be seen.

And so is Camila.

***

Good, so you won't even have to hide from her. There is no text from her nor call this morning. You don't know what she's doing right now, you know her for years that she's not a morning person. (You could imagine) You could see her drooling face still sleeping in comforts of her duvet that it made your lips formed an unconscious smile.

And then your brain like a traitor, seemed to change direction as you pictured her now with someone else, with Austin, sharing the same bed on a lovers embrace.