This Ain't a Fairytale ➳ caмʀҽŋ au

ix - Restless hearts

a/n: im sorry it took me a long time to update, i admit i ran out of chapters to edit. Good news the angst is almost over.

Scenarios in your head blurs with the surrounding as you cried for the 3rd time that day

All those tears you fought not to escape dwindles down to this specified minutes on a stranger's shoulder asking for empathy and consideration. Even though you're 100% sure Dinah didnt like you the moment she you sat at their table at the cafeteria.But here you are now, full of uncertainty and a revelation of your vulnerability with no expression of words yet she accepts you.

She cares enough when tears gushes from your eyes, hugging your body closer to the ground caught on your unexpected breakdown. Waterfalls in your eyes never stopping, putting your hands on your knees as your hair curtains your surroundings. She carries - heaves you up on the bench seat, her shoulders and hands felt stiff but you're grateful nonetheless when Dinah pulled you into her arms; sighs when she places her palms on your back (at first a little bit unsure) hands trained back and forth, patting you gently... her shoulder almost damp and your eyes still clouded, hugging Dinah's torso for dear life.

Her happy smile says something that you never seemed to think you can give; you envied him for the mere chance of loving Camila freely, showcasing her with the adoration you've been hiding and latching for years. You envied Austin with the great desire running onto the open pages of the book you've buried and written out for years just for her ; with your subtle actions (that never seemed to be enough), and now bloomed into just this - Reprising the role of the most loyal best friend of the year...

The side in your arms felt stiff, the cold hands of yours are now wet and pruning, the shade of your eyes for sure matches the clouds up above you. The way you saw how he says her name then Camila shouting at the bleachers felt like a role you've been hanging onto, and it hits your guts so hard when now you know that moment wasn't just for the two of you. It crashes with the special connotation you've put yourself into, now THIS is reality... and you can't be that special... you're just Lauren Jauregui, that family who has a bakeshop by the end of Brinton street, that girl who plays baseball, that girl who has a rabbit teeth, that girl that could punch the lights out of any other boy , that gay child of theirs that has been irrevocably in love someone whose been unattainable since the first time you met her.

Dinah releases you from her hold, you stop latching onto her sweater you felt more grey and drained than the brewing cold weather.

"Im so sorry, Ive felt stupid I just met you today and I and, I - I - I'm - you're lips still trembling... - Please don't tell this to Lucy."

She blinks at you twice, thrice, like she's really trying to see past through you, contemplating and then says back no seconds later

"On one condition - " You hold her gaze stupefied of what the conditions could be.

"Please tell me you're not in-love with her."

"- Or like tell me why you left the cafeteria, I swear that macaroni's delicious even if it ruins my diet."

You smile she squeezes your hands once then she never seems to give up until you tell her something. For now you want to lie. You want to scream 'you're fine' from the outside and just look at the surrounding that your own reality seems to be crumbling into.

"Im NOT, in-love with Lucy." she nods back then cuts you off and says she knows.

Now you're the one who feels dumb and speechless, open-mouthed....mind blank, many questions forming in your head but never uttering any words. Dinah's stare was non comical, the blonde look dead serious - not one judgment on her features as she stares back at you for answers and waits for your suddenly dry throat to form any coherent sentence.