Hear My Heart Beat

VI

I had more time on my hands, which meant more time to write. I had more or less twenty unfinished stories in my laptop, but my masterpiece, the one I was saving up to publish, was open on my screen now.

It had already seen its first editors, and so far the comments were promising. I felt a bit sad that it had to be put on the back burner for now. It was still my first baby, after all.

The front door opened and Liam came in. I gave him a quick kiss and looked back to the screen.

"What's this?" He asked.

My first instinct was to hide it from him. I had never let anyone else read it, apart from my editors. Not even my best friends. This book was the compilation of all my experiences, good and bad, and it was as personal as I could get.

But I wanted it to be published someday, and then everyone could read it. Friends and family included. I had to let someone see it eventually.

"My book," I said.

He seemed to grasp the gravity of my words because he paused and looked at me. "May I?"

I nodded, giving him the laptop.

I went to the kitchen to get dinner ready, my heart pounding. What if he hated it? What if he said bad things about it?

We ate dinner in silence. And then we headed to his bedroom where I lay on the bed, pretending to sleep while he read.

I did fall asleep eventually. When I woke up, he was still awake, reading. He was almost at the end now.

"Sleep," I told him.

"I'm almost done," he said quietly.

I ate breakfast alone. I was afraid of what he was going to say, so I didn't ask him to join me. But he came anyway, the dark circles prominent under his eyes.

"You're a fast reader," I joked.

He smiled. "It was... Beautiful."

"You're not just saying that so I don't revoke my sexual favors, right?"

He laughed at that. "Maybe," he teased. "But seriously, I didn't know you could write like that. I'm proud of you."

His praise meant more to me than any other comment from my editors.

"Thank you." I kissed him softly. "Now can you honestly tell me what you think? I will still have sex with you, I promise."

He shook his head, laughing. "It was amazing, actually. That emotional rollercoaster Ethel, your protagonist, went through... I get it. From what you said before, about Amethyst Cove."

I nodded. "Yes, Amethyst Cove played a big part in it. I think it's my way of letting the world know that things like that still exist, and that it's not okay."

He looked at me sadly. "The ending though. It's heart-breaking. Is that how you really see it? You really think there's no longer hope for the youth of Amethyst Cove?"

I wanted to deny it. I wanted to discuss Realism and Fatalism with him. I wanted to hide behind the answers I had given my editors during our discussions.

But I couldn't lie to him. Not anymore.

"I had never seen evidence that told me otherwise," I tried to explain.

"You are evidence enough," he replied.

I was stunned. Did he really see me that way?

"You were brave enough to disregard the conventions and pave a way for yourself," he said. "I always told myself that what I did was not weakness, that it was survival. But I selfishly didn't want to make sacrifices so I went with what was comfortable at the expense of my own freedom. In contrast, you were brave enough to go through the pain to be the person you are now."