the secret » david dobrik au

F O R T Y - S I X

there are things i wanna say to you
but i'll just let you live
like if you hold me without hurting me
you'll be the first who ever did

cinnamon girl - lana del rey

Lydia came to visit the next Tuesday. It was the anniversary of the day that it all went down, and she didn't want me to be alone. Luckily, my two classes on Tuesdays were two huge lectures, so I dragged her along to class with me without anyone noticing.

She complained about it the whole time.

"I've already graduated college. I'm out of college. I never have to do college again. Why am I in a biology class right now?" she whined as soon as we sat down. I stared at her until she said, "what? I seriously don't get why you're not skipping class. This class doesn't even matter to your major."

"Because next Tuesday, I'm taking a test in this class that is worth forty percent of my grade, so this Tuesday, you're gonna have to sit through it."

"I fucking hate you. Never again will I come to college. Ever."

She shut up as soon as my professor started teaching, and I glanced over every now and them to watch her playing Candy Crush on her phone. She couldn't sit still for an hour and fifteen minutes, but I guess that fact didn't surprise me. Even while watching TV, she always had to be shaking her leg or writing something down or doing her nails. She was a person who moved a lot.

"I don't know how I went through four years of that bullshit," Lydia sighed, laying her head on her hand. We were sitting in that bullshit fucking smoothie café where all my problems started, all because Lydia was gaining weight and going to get diabetes, as if she wasn't 5'6 and maybe 130 pounds. I was pretty sure we were sitting at the exact same table that David cheated on me at, so that was nice and totally not depressing.

"Me either. You can't sit still for five damn minutes," I dragged the spoon through the middle of my smoothie bowl to ruin the pretty design. I didn't need to look at it. "This day has been awful."

"Wow, thanks," she replied dryly, but the smile never left her face. "I'll never come back."

"I'm moving home in two weeks. Someone's gotta drive me home."

"If you keep being mean, you'll have to walk home," she warned, though it wasn't very threatening. "This place is good. Why do you hate it?"

"I hate healthy things. Everyone who goes here thinks they're just sooo much better than the common people," I rolled my eyes, finding myself getting riled up.

"Woah... what happened? First Simon, and now you."

"What's wrong with Simon?"

"I told you he's been quiet, and it's just getting worse. Now him and Amanda broke up, and he's just been worse. And you're still upset over he-who-shall-not-be-named, and I just don't know how to deal with two broken hearts at once," she huffed like just the thought of it exhausted her.

"I think Simon is fine," I laughed a bit at the thought. "He's always been pretty quiet, and I don't think his fucking middle school girlfriend breaking up with him can qualify as a heartbreak."

"But yours does," she smiled like she had caught me right where she wanted me. I really should've known she was bringing up Simon just to get me to talk about myself. She was sneaky, I could give her that. "So let's talk about that."

"There's just nothing to talk about, Lyd," I banged my head on the table. Several people turned to stare, but it didn't bother me.

"So you're completely fine? You're not torn up about it?"

"No," I shook my head, swallowing thickly. "I'm... I don't know. I'm fine, I guess."

"But you're not," she frowned. "And I can just tell by looking at you that you're not."

"How could you possibly tell by looking at me?"

"You aren't wearing winged liner," she raised her eyebrows. It hit a little too close to home because I had, in fact, abandoned my winged eyeliner because I cried too often these days. "You love winged eyeliner, probably more than you love me. You wouldn't even go through a drive through without putting eyeliner on at home."

"It's a lot of work," I lied, but she saw right through that.

"Evangeline Grace. Do not lie to your guardian like that," she tried to be serious, but her suppressed smile threatened to break through. "I love you, you know. Everyone loves you. And I know you're saying in your head not David, but that's not even true. It'd be impossible not to love you. You're the best, literally the best. You take care of the people around you. So even if David doesn't, that doesn't make you any less important in this world."

"I just..." I sighed, really not wanting to cry in the fucking smoothie place. As if I couldn't possibly hate it any more than I do now. "You're right. You're right. And I'm starting to care less, so. By the time summer's over, I should be fine."

That was a lie, and Lydia & I both knew it. She let it slide. I was so grateful that she let it slide.

We went back to the apartment after "lunch" (if you could even call a bowl of blended fruit lunch), and luckily, Natalie and Todd were there to entertain her while I did a little bit of homework.

I emerged from my room an hour later to see the three of them with solo cups taped to their heads. They were spitting ping pong balls into the air—yes, putting the ping pong balls in their mouth and then literally spitting them into the air—and seeing who could catch it. I was at a loss for words with that one.

She left around eight because she had to work the next day and she didn't want Simon to be alone the night of the anniversary.

"You should tell them," she said to me as she left. "That today is the day."

"I'm fine, Lydia. I've had a good day," I reassured her with a smile and a hug. "Thank you for coming. I miss you."

"I miss you too," she whined, hugging me way too tight. "I love you. And Evan..."

"What?" I groaned, knowing there was a lecture coming.

"You should talk to David," she told me. She looked nervous to say it. "From past experience... you should talk to David. I know you have too much pride to admit to his face that you miss him, but if you don't try, you'll never know the outcome."

"I think I'm better off not knowing."

"Okay," she shrugged with a sigh. "Don't say I didn't tell you."

hold me, love me, touch me, help me
be the first who ever did

This song just reminds me of evan okay

Im posting this so i can post a chapter tomorrow its a filler i know dont yell at me

Xoxo abby