Write Me A Letter

27 | hum

CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN | HUM

         BRIE EASILY SPOTTED OLLIE'S white Corolla at the school's parking lot. It didn't stick out like Paula's yellow beetle would, but it looked freshly polished as its hood and roof gleamed against the mid-day sun.

She knew he was there inside waiting for her and it was making her stomach churn. She hadn't been this nervous since she called Xander months ago about which color she'd use for her first letter to him. The fact that months have passed since then was a bit startling to Brie. A lot have changed yet the situation was still pretty much the same. It was probably even worse.

When she was close enough to hear the hum of his engine, Brie stopped to collect herself and steady her breathing. She should be fine. They would just be sitting in his car. This was just Ollie, her friend, and although their friendship took a sour turn recently, especially after the party, she should be fine.

With that, she pulled open the passenger door and slid in, then it was just silence.

"I'm glad you came," Ollie told her, reaching out to turn on the radio. He turned down the volume to be low enough for it to just be their background noise. An early 2000s pop song was playing, reminding Brie of that time when she was still a toddler and her mom and dad would sing songs from this circa to her. "I was meaning to call you days ago but I didn't know how to reach out."

Brie finally turned to face Ollie. He still looked the same which shouldn't have been surprising as Ollie was the least person to be affected by anything. But a part of her secretly hoped that he looked as troubled as she did, or as exhausted as Troy, Paula and Xander after what happened. Yet Ollie stayed the same. Floppy-ash blonde hair still falling over his dark blue eyes and a small steady smile still on his lips.

That shouldn't have been wrong; shouldn't have disappointed her in a way, but it did. She fiddled with the air-conditioning.

"Yeah, that's understandable considering the circumstances."

She didn't want to sound snarky nor aloof, but the reaction came natural and so did the hurt that his absence in her life didn't affect him as much as it did her.

"I just want to say I'm sorry for not being there and for that night."

"It's..." Brie waved her hands and shrugged, voice light with laughter despite the tension that filled her body. "Fine I guess? I'm sorry if I ruined the party too. That wasn't my intention. I wasn't thinking straight and I should've handled that better. I would say sorry about Yuki too, but I doubt she has bruises."

There, she said it.

She heard his hum of agreement, the hint of frustration on his exhale and the taps of his fingers on his steering wheel. "Toby told me about what happened and I'm sorry that I didn't understand it at that moment when you were bleeding on the porch. It both came as a surprise and I wasn't sure why I acted that way. Well," he suddenly laughed. "I guess I now know why, but that's a story for another day."

She let out a snort that got them looking at each other. Him with a smile, and her with a displeased frown. How could he sound so... so... relaxed while she was fuming inside? "No, man, you gotta tell me why."

Ollie shook his head and tried to cover his face but Brie caught his
hands, surprised when his cheeks caught fire.

"What? Why are you blushing?"

"No," he groaned and leaned back to face the car's ceiling. Then he turned to look at her, head still lazily leaning against his headrest. The way his eyes traveled over her face caught Brie off-guard. It was as if her skin tingled with each caress of his gaze and it made her feel overwhelmed for some reason. With an awkward smile, she released his hands and leaned against the car's passenger door.

The mild disappointment in Ollie's eyes were obvious but understanding replaced them just as quickly, then it settled into the familiar distant stare that he usually gave to everyone else. His hands tightened on the steering wheel before he spoke. "I wanted to grab you and tuck you under my jacket, but Xander was already there and I saw how you were shaking behind him like he was your protective shield. And I don't know. I guess, the selfish part of me just got disappointed over the fact that with him, it's so easy for you to be vulnerable. You don't mind being weak with him and letting him protect you, but when other people do it—when I do it, you run away the soonest you can."

She wasn't expecting that. She wanted to defend herself, to scream that what Ollie said wasn't true but she knew she would just be lying. It never really occurred to her that she behaved that way nor did it was obvious to her that she needed and craved Xander that much. How could she fall like a dry leaf so easily when it came to Xander? Why was it so hard for her to truly leave?

Just like that, the happy bubble that surrounded them bursted, and they sat there with the splattering of its wake on their skin.

She could feel Ollie's stare on the side of her face, yet her eyes remained on her lap as she splayed her fingers over her jeans. She tugged at a lose thread, gently at first until her movements became more frantic.

"Brie," Ollie gently called to her.

Why the fuck won't this thread won't come out?

"Brie, stop."

Please, I'm tugging it already. Come on. Come on.

"Brie."

"What?!" She turned to him with a glare and Ollie blinked as he watched the tears fall from her still healing eyes. "I'm sorry," she said, the magnitude of her reaction finally registering to her. She wiped her tears with the back of her hand a bit harshly. She was angry at herself, frustrated that she just discovered that her feelings weren't just residual if she acted that way.

"I didn't mean to make you cry. Fuck, don't cry."

"I'm sorry," she sniffled. "I'm sorry if I hurt you guys. I'm sorry if I kept pushing you all away and if my feelings keep on hurting everybody else."

Ollie's hand on her cheek made her turn to look at him. There was concern on his face and it felt so refreshing to see Ollie with emotions in his eyes rather than a mask of indifference or faux humor in them. She swallowed, placing her shaking hand atop his. "Brie, it's okay. I'm sorry too. I just want you to know that as your friend I'm here for you if you would let me."

"Ollie, I'm messed up, okay? I can't promise not to pull away when I'm still not okay. I can't keep on hurting the people who genuinely care for me."

He touched his forehead to hers and Brie's breath hitched. She had never been this close to a guy before and having Ollie this near to her was making her stomach dance to an unfamiliar tune she had never yet experienced. He smelled of the ocean breeze with a hint of coffee and mint, a scent that she was sure would fill her senses for days on end. "Brie, when I say I'm here for you, it means that I'm here when you need me and I'll be here even when you already don't. All consequences considered," he whispered, breath fanning her cheeks.

"But what about Yuki? Wouldn't she get mad that you'd stay friends with me?"

He hugged her as a snort went past his lips. Brie sat there immobile, head spinning and heart beating wildly in her chest. She couldn't understand what was going on. Why was Ollie this close to her? Why would he want anything to do with her? Did he like her?

She could feel Ollie's fingers tracing the patterns on the back of her shirt as he pulled her closer. A tingle ran over her skin when his finger traced the smiley face on her lower back.

"As long as you let me, I'll be here for you. I promise. I won't let anyone hurt you anymore."