Write Me A Letter

57 | thirteenth

CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN | T H I R T E E N T H

         "YOU DID WELL BACK THERE."

Brie grinned when Paula bumped her shoulder with hers. It looked a bit awkward, with Paula being a lot taller than she was, but it still provided her with the same comfort she had been craving for a long time.

God, she felt so free.

Her entire body felt like it was floating on air. She turned and smiled at her friends as they walked together. Troy had his arms on Jean and she was talking about the baby shower, her familiar multi-colored bangles jingling at her animated story telling. Troy was nodding along patiently, a smile on his face. Paula scoffed when he suggested booze as part of the menu, and another round of bickering began.

She returned her attention to the wide road of the cemetery, eyes filled with tears of happiness. She was far from being okay—miles and miles apart from who she wanted to be—but she was getting there. Slowly.

The late afternoon's wind was cold but not biting, and she hugged herself tight as it blew her hair and ruffled the piles of leaves that sat at the bottom of huge trees.

It had been an hour since Troy's shift ended and three hours from when Izzy left Paradise Café with a smile on her face. Brie isn't expecting for friendship to blossom, but she's glad that they're now okay.

Another grin broke on her face at the memory.

Soon enough, she saw a familiar tombstone that was adorned with wilted sunflowers. Her heart caught in her throat. It has been two years, but she could never get used to the sight of seeing her dad's name on there.

Paula gave her a quick hug. "You good?"

"Yeah. I just needed to do this."

With a gentle smile, Paula led her to her dad's tombstone. Troy and Jean stood behind them silently, supportive and tender smiles on their faces.

She released a heavy exhale. Now or never. Pulling the baby blue envelope out of her purse, she knelt down to the grass and pursed her lips. She gripped the letter in her cold hands, eyes flicking back and forth between her dad's name, the sunflowers that she knew her mom brought, and the envelope.

A tear rolled down her cheek.

"Daddy," she started with a strained voice. She felt Paula kneel down next to her and the reassuring touch of her hand on her back. "I miss you so much. I wish I can hug you everyday, tell you how sometimes... sometimes it's all too much and I feel like I'm gonna explode. I miss walking into your room and lying next to you, ranting about the things that bothered me at school. I miss your laugh, I miss how talking to you can make it all okay."

She traced the wrinkled edges of the envelope with her fingertips. It was more than a year ago when she wrote it, right after her mom and Hugh's wedding. She was a sobbing mess, all alone in their home when she promised her mom that she'd be at Paula's for the whole length of her and Hugh's honeymoon.

She remembered pulling all the fancy and fragrant paper she had in her drawers, ripping through well-taken cared of plastic wraps without care or inhibitions. She tossed the paper to her desk, heaving and heart pounding, as she watched the paper fly out to her desk. It was strewn all over in a haphazard pattern of chaos and bold colors.

At the very edge of the mess though, she spotted a different shade. A baby blue sheet that was a lot muted than all the bright ones on her desk. At that moment, she felt like that paper, alone, different and dull when everything around her was breathing with life.

She took the paper with trembling fingertips and wrote everything she needed to say to her dad.

I miss you. I love you. I hate it here.

It started out angry, frustrated and grieving until she ran out of words and she was left blinking at the mess on her desk and the chaos she had written. Her chin trembled and she sobbed. This wasn't what her father would want. If he saw her at that time two years ago, he would've been disappointed.

Wiping the tears of her cheek, she started to write again; not a fresh sheet, but a new paragraph—another start.

I'll miss you everyday, Daddy. But I promise to become the person you'll be proud of and I'll work on it everyday. I promise.

Paula's hug took her back to the present. They were both smiling softly at her dad's tombstone.

Robert Donnelly - loving father, husband, and son.

That was exactly how she remember him. Not as a brave police officer, or a law-abiding citizen. He was her father, he was a husband, he was a son. It was more than enough, it was the most honest.

She gingerly placed the envelope on the grass, careful not to ruin her mom's intricate arrangement of flowers. Then, she reached out to touch his name.

"I love you," she whispered. "For a long time I couldn't give this letter to you because I feel like I couldn't fulfill my promise and for some time I was right, Dad. Today though, I took the first step in keeping my word and I want you to know. I hope you'll be proud of me even if sometimes I don't deserve it."

"Oh, come on." She laughed when Troy plopped on the grass next to her. "I'm sure as hell—" he paused as if realizing something, "I mean, heaven, I'm sure as heaven that you're dad is proud of you."

Paula rolled her eyes but there was a grin on her face. "As much as I hate to admit it, I agree with Troy. You're an amazing person, Brie. Sure there was a couple of hiccups but we all make mistakes."

Jean placed a hand on her shoulder and she turned to her with a smile, gripping her hand in hers. "And you're a good friend. I can say that with receipts. I mean, I have a baby bump to prove that you were just looking out for me."

They all laughed together to that. Silence fell, and she stared at her dad's name with longing, blinking the tears away.

"Group hug!" Troy shouted, and she was engulfed in the warm embrace of her friends. She was crying but her heart was full with love and genuine happiness as well.

As they all huddled together with grins on their faces, and the wind leaving their cheeks cold, Brie realized that she couldn't ask for more.