The Cry of Amelia

If Only You Knew

Rain.
It smelt like rain.
The bed was incredibly comfortable and smelt like rain. Attempting to get a better smell of whatever intoxicating smell I was smelling, I took a deep whiff. Big mistake. It felt like someone was holding me in a bone crushing hug as I wheezed in an attempt to catch my breath. Short and shallow. That's what the doctor said to try. I breathed in and out, trying to calm myself down and regain my composure. I really should go and find my inhaler, I thought, feeling the familiar burning in my chest again. Sitting up, I swang my legs over the edge of the very comfortable bed. As I look into the drawers, I am met with a very alarming sight.

A box of extra large condoms.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK" I scream, terrified at the sight. My mind is racing, did I lose my virginity last night? I wanted it to be special, this cannot be happening! Out of the blue, a large frame towers behind me, covering my mouth in the process.
"Shh princess, there's no need to be so loud," an oddly attractive voice drawls, almost soothing to my ears. As I look around, searching for an exit. I realise.
This is not my room.
And the person that's behind me probably owns it. Once their grip loosens, i scram our of those arms, looking to put a face to the voice.
As I look into those eyes, those honey-in-the-sun eyes, I realise. This is Xavier Storm, my bully, the person I hate the most and an evil human being. Even after all this time, that gleam in his eye never fails to instil a sense of fear deep in my bones. Walking backwards as he stalks closer to me, I end up trapped against a door, him leaning over me. I feel trapped, scared and my claustrophobia is not helping me at all. My breathing quickens, and soon I realise that there's tears pooling in my eyes. Looking right through me as if I were a ghost, he whispers "Go" and I swear in all my life not once have I ever gotten out of a place so fast.

I dropped to the floor, tears streaming down my face the second I got into my own home. My chest was burning, as if something wanted to burst out of it. I rocked back and forth trying to calm my self but it was no use. How is he here? He shouldn't be here, this is my home where I was finally settling down. This was too much. I was a year and a half clean. I'm not going to head into that downward spiral again.

But I did.

I went into the bathroom looking for it. It was the relief of all my problems for such a long time and I thought that I was finally getting over it. Until him. He came here and all the memories came flooding back. I held the razor tightly and pressed into my thigh. It gave me this feeling of relief, like all of the bad feelings were being let out. I cut again. And again. And again. Rinsing the razor, I decided to have a shower. I stripped off my baggy shirt, now stained with blood and peeled off my shorts, wincing as they brushed over the cuts. I turned on the tap and waited for the water to heat up. Once it was hot enough, I climbed in, relinquishing in the feeling of the hot water cascading over my body. It stand a little as it went over the cuts but it wasn't unbearable. I grabbed my favourite cinnamon and vanilla body wash, lathering the soap and rubbing the suds all over me. This was heaven, a perfect way to get rid of a bad day. However, he still lingered in my mind, that cruel smile clouding my thoughts.

After I got out, I moisturised my skin with a coco butter cream that I got for Christmas. It was the weekend and I really didn't feel like dealing with other people's bullshit so I decided to stay inside. That way, I was safe.
I brushed my teeth and tried to tame my hair but it was useless. Sighing, I headed to my living room to scroll Netflix and look at Twitter.

It was now 5pm and getting dark. I loved winter, purely because it's like the world just seems to calm down. It's less hectic. I had just started another movie when I had a knock at the door. I froze, fear completely taking over me. There was another knock, this time harsher. I still couldn't move. This time, they were pounding and it followed with an "Open the fuck up Amelia or so help me God I will break down your door". I was stuck and couldn't move. I rocked myself in an attempt to calm myself down and it was seemingly working.

Until my door burst open.

I screamed, covering my ears and rocking myself as I trembled, tears streaming down my face. He stalked over to me, his eyes murderous and breathing shallow. I prepared myself for the impact, expecting a hit or punch. Instead, he just stood there looking confused and angry. "Why the fuck did you not open the door? Could you not just walk your lazy ass to the fucking door instead of leaving me out there?" He seethed, looking like he wanted to strangle me.
"I-I'm s-sorry I-"
"Just forget it," he growled, running a hand through his hair.
"W-why are you h-here", I asked hiccuping between words and fiddling with my fingers.
"Because I wanted to give you this stupid fucking plate back", he replied placing it down on my counter looking annoyed "and why are you crying"
"I was watching a sad movie" I improvised, not wanting to dwell on what happened in the past.
"Fucking crybaby" he said, kissing his teeth and rolling his eyes.
"Please could you leave?", I whispered, barely legible to the human ear.
"What did you say?" He asked, raising one perfect eyebrow.
"Nothing, never mind"
"Hmm. Those brownies are good. Make me some more", he demanded, moving out of the way so I could get to the kitchen.
"I'll be back in an hour and if they're not ready, I'll punish you" he he said, with such authority in his voice that it made me want to just get it over with. He left after, leaving me in a small crying mess. I needed to make those brownies because I didn't want to know what he had in store for me. But I was so, so tired.

15 minutes won't kill me.

I forgot that I cannot sleep for less than an hour at a time.
I was awoken by my door yet again being burst open.
"My brownies." he demanded "where are they?"
Shit. I had forgotten. I stood up, trying to find the right words. What could I possibly do to avoid being 'punished'?
"Well, I... I forgot. I'm so sorry I didn't mean to-"
"Where are my FUCKING BROWNIES" he hissed, stalking towards me and yet again trapping me by a wall. I breathed, closing my eyes and imagining a field full of flowers.

Big mistake.

The second my eyes closed he put his hand on my neck and squeezed lightly, alerting me and making my eyes open wide. With his other hand, he traced light patterns on my collarbone, making me shiver and feel butterflies in my stomach. He pressed slightly harder around my neck, making me let out a slight whimper. He breathed on my cheek, dragging his free hand down to my waist.
"Fuck, princess", he breathed, giving me goosebumps on my arms.

And with that, he left the apartment

What the actual fuck was going on with my life.

I'm bored so I changed up the end of this chapter lmao hope you enjoyed😂