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CHAPTER EIGHTEEN, TRACK EIGHTEEN "i know you feel like there's no escape, i know you try holding faith. i know you still try to smile even though you made some mistakes. just hold on for me, and i'll hold on for you" —— NARRATIVE
love yourself phora 2:13────I─────2:29 ↺͏͏ ◁◁͏͏ ll ▷▷ ⋮≡
alejandro and natalia were on their way back to los angeles so alejandro could grab clothes. he wanted to make sure he would have enough clothing for however long it would take for natalia to be emotionally stable again.
alejandro was playing their playlist. some of the songs took natalia back to certain events in their life that made her the happiest. it amazed natalia how he still listened to the playlist, she would have never expected it considering the terms they were left on, but it kind of made her heart warm that he did.
they were currently stuck in traffic, so alejandro took the time to go on his phone and pull up the playlist she made him that wasn't suppose to get out to him. him and natalia still haven't talked about it, even though he wanted to the second he got it.
he held his foot on the break as he scrolled through his music, natalia leaning her head on his window and looking at the ongoing traffic throughout his tinted windows.
he remembered one song at the top of his head, and he felt like it was important for natalia to listen to in her current state. the song was definitely uplifting, and if you're hurting while you're listening to it and feeling like the world is against you, then you're bound to cry if you're really feeling the lyrics.
alejandro clicked the song and it went silent for a few seconds, the beat playing from the speakers and making natalia look at alejandro. she picked his phone up to confirm if she was hearing the song right, and she was.
"you know this song?" she asked, putting his phone down and biting the inside of her cheek. she hasn't listened to this song in forever. the last time she listened to it, she was having a bad night. it did help her partially heal the wounds alejandro left, but she didn't heal completely. obviously.
"it was in the playlist i wasn't suppose to hear." alejandro answered. natalias lips parted like she was going to say something, but nothing came out. she completely forgot her playlist got out to him. she still had no clue how anyone could get it when no one has had access to her phone. "the day i heard this song, i listened to it on repeat at least five times. it kinda uplifted my mood."
a tear fell from natalias eye as she listened to both the song and alejandro. this song will always hold a special place in her heart. no matter how many times she listens to it, it will always hit the same. she can never grow tired of it.
alejandros face softened as he watched the tear run down her cheek. slowly and hesitantly, he reached for her hand. she saw his hand from the corner of her eye and didn't bother moving her hand. he took her hand in his and he softly caressed the top of her hand with his thumb, natalia sighing as she pulled her hand away from him.
"you're so sad." alejandro sighed, releasing his foot from the brake as traffic flowed slowly on the freeway. natalia let out a choked out chuckle, shaking her head and hugging herself.
"i'm scared, alejandro." natalia admitted. alejandro knew exactly what she was getting at. and to tell the truth, alejandro was scared too. even though ezequiel was angry for a long time at alejandro for hurting natalia, ezequiel eventually forgave alejandro. ezequiel was a very forgiving person. he had the heart the size of a boulder.
"me too, nati." alejandro gripped the steering wheel. "he's here, in california."
natalia stared at alejandro and once again, her lips parted and she wanted so badly to tell alejandro to take her to see him, but nothing came out. maybe he was hanging on because he needed to hear her one last time. maybe he needed to know that it was okay to let go, and that she wouldn't be mad at him if he did let go.
but the truth is, she would be so angry. they still had a lot of growing up to do, they still had a lot more memories to make. their children were suppose to be best friends, they were suppose to be that one pair of best friends who grew old together. that was their future, and it would all be taken away because he wanted to protect his country. she saluted him for that, but God she wished she could have convinced him not to go.
maybe they were waiting on natalia to finally visit him so they could just pull the plug. his mom knew how much the two meant to each other and she knew that he would want natalia there as he took his last breath.
"i feel like the whole world is against me, ale." natalia couldn't control her tears as the thought of ezequiel lingered on her mind. God, she was so tired of crying. but she couldn't help it. "i did a bad thing and now the universe is just spitting in my face. what if our friends want nothing to do with me?"
"natalia.." alejandros voice trailed off. by now, the song was over and with the lyrics of the song sitting in her mind, she was having a hard time thinking straight. she wanted so badly for the lyrics to be able to comfort her, but they weren't comforting to her this time. they stung her in ways they have never stung her before.
"no ale.." natalia breathed. "just the thought of them not wanting anything to do with me scares me shitless."
"natalia, they wouldn't do that to you. they love you and care about you. do you know how many texts i get from everyone asking about you? they want you home, so badly. they know you're hurting, they know it." alejandro began to grow frustrated with the way natalia was thinking. she was never this pessimistic girl. she's always seen the brighter side of things and it was hurting alejandro more than ever that the brighter side didn't even exist to her.
"sierra misses you more than anything." alejandro informed natalia. "there's things she wants to tell you, but you won't even turn your phone on for her to even get ahold of you."
"you've talked to sierra?" natalia asked. alejandro nodded and natalia bit the inside of her cheek. she missed her friends, so much. but she just worried. she knew things wouldn't ever be the same between her and sierra, nor would they with mattia.
sierra would surely have her doubts with natalia around again, but sierra felt like she needed her friend more than she needed her boyfriend.. or ex boyfriend at the moment. natalia was always the glue to everyone's friendships, and without her, it's like the only thing keeping them together was ezequiels current state.
"i just need time, ale." natalia mumbled. "just need time."
"and you have time, just not all the time you probably want." alejandro truthfully told her. healing has no time limit, just like alvaro told her once before, but she needed to heal fast during a time like this.
╔═.✵.══════════╗ lyss' personal lyrics! ╚══════════.✵.═╝
i literally don't know what to write at this point lmao. i'm going off of a limb here because i want things to go back to normal between the group but i don't think that can happen anytime soon lmfao. erm well, i hope you guys enjoyed!
