Settle Down With Me

Chapter 7: Out Loud

AN: Just in case people don't read the notes at the end I just wanna say now that, while I started planning and writing this chapter immediately after his coming out video, I am not trying to make his big moment all about Tronnor. In fact I am so incredibly proud of him for accepting himself and I'm so fucking happy that he thought we, as an audience, deserved to know something private like this, okay. Also, I asked some friends in a group chat and they said it was okay for me to use the details from his Coming Out video in my story so I hope this doesn't come across as disrespectful bc I'm using his actual experiences. That all, hope you enjoy I actually really like this chapter!

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Connor stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist and wiping off some of the steam that had condensed on the mirror's surface. He grasped the edges of the porcelain sink in his hands as he leaned towards the mirror, watching as his reflection stared intently back at him. He could do this. He really could.

"I'm- I," he broke off and took in a shuddering breath, stomach turning uneasily. He tried again.

He breathed in deeply through his nose before exhaling noisily. He tried to force the words out of his throat, mouth moving to push out the syllables but no sound coming out.

"Connor you can do this. You have to admit it to yourself. You'll never be happy if you don't." He thought to himself.

He wanted to say it, he really did. He wanted to be able to be who he really was and act how he wanted to without having to censor himself, he just physically couldn't make himself do it.

He had spent countless nights turning the subject over in his head but never daring to speak the words out loud. Connor knew he had to though, he was growing tired of having to hide. He just wanted to be him.

"I'm.... gay."

The whispered words seemed to shift something in him. He felt weighed down by the truth of his admission, by the worry he had for others reactions, but at the same time he felt relieved. Relieved he had finally reached the point where he could say it out loud.

He felt a rush of other emotions push through him and soon he found himself crying, hot tears racing patterns down his face. He sniffled and wiped his nose, trying to compose himself. Whether he was crying for having had to keep it a secret for so long or from the idea that he could be who he truly was, Connor was unsure. Tears continued to trek their way down his face while he tried to calm himself down.

He had done it. He had finally said it out loud. He was gay.

Connor bolted up quickly though, as he heard a soft knock at the bathroom door.

"Con, you okay in there?" Came Troye's tentative voice from the other side of the door, "I, er, thought I heard cr- a weird noise."

Connor began to panic, voice catching as he tried to think up a response. He may have admitted to himself but he didn't think he had the strength to come out to another person just yet. The prospect of someone else knowing terrified him. Connor didn't think he could handle the judgment.

"I'm fine!" Connor called out, voice cracking as he desperately tried to get himself back under control. "I'll be out in a minute."

He rubbed his eyes, turning on the faucet and washing his face. Hopefully the cool water would be enough to get rid of his blotchy face and red eyes. God, he couldn't let Troye see him like this.

He turned off the water and grabbed a face towel to pat himself dry, looking at his reflection in the mirror and wincing. He looked like crap, if Troye saw him it would be obvious that he had been crying. He took a few more breathes before deciding that he had to leave the bathroom sometime, even if Troye did catch him.

Connor put his ear to the door, listening intently for any sign of movement and heaving a sigh of relief when he heard nothing.

"Troye must've left then." Connor thought to himself, feeling something heavy settle in the pit of his stomach. He shook his head minutely.

"Of course Troye would have left, I told him I was fine, why would he have any reason to stay." He tried to reason, though that didn't help to appease the feeling of disappointment that resounded in him at the fact that Troye didn't care enough to find out what was wrong.

Connor grasped the handle of the bathroom door, pausing shortly before quickly exiting the room. He had hoped to make a speedy retreat to his bedroom but was stopped in his tracks as he accidentally plowed into someone instead. He pulled his head up quickly as he felt himself begin to lose balance. Long,slender fingers managed to find purchase on his bicep and shoulder,however, and helped steady Connor.

"Connor?" Troye started softly, taking in the tear stains still visible on the older man's face. "Hey are you sure you're alright?"

Connor's heart pounded in his ears as he contemplated what he should do. He thought Troye had left already, why was he waiting for him outside of the bathroom? Fuck, why couldn't Troye just have left it would've made everything easier.

"Con? Con? Hey, you know I'm always here for you right?"

Connor began swiping at his eyes rapidly, sensing the impending onslaught of tears. Fuck,fuck,fuck, why was he even crying?

"I'm f-fine I just wanna go to my room," Connor mumbled staring downwards, studying Troye's converse clad feet intently.

"Bullshit." Troye said bluntly, causing Connor to flinch. "Look
at me Connor. Hey you can tell me whats wrong I'm never gonna judge you. Trust me." He smiled softly at Connor, eyes shining sadly.

Connor's breath caught in his throat. They had only been living with each other for a few weeks now and,while they had had an amazing time together so far, Connor just couldn't fathom the amount of concern Troye held for him. His eyes met with the blue ones clouded with worry for him as he felt Troye's fingers burning in the places where they met his bare skin.

Connor didn't know what it was but the overwhelming urge to tell someone- anyone- seemed to bubble up from inside him, trying to force the words from his lips before you could tell what was happening. He knew- well he hoped at least, that Troye wouldn't judge him and that he could trust him but the anxieties of the 'what ifs' still weighed heavily on his chest. He had no idea what to do and Troye was still waiting for an answer. God, this was too much for him and - ugh he was crying again wasn't he?

Troye pulled him into a tight hug, placing his chin on the top of Connor's head as the older boys' hunched form was wracked with sobs.

Troye gently shushed him, whispering comforting words and tracing calming patterns on his skin.

"Why are you crying Connor? Just tell me whats wrong and I'll try to help you. Its gonna be okay, no matter what you'll be okay."

Connor took a deep breath. He'd have to tell somebody some day and right now? Troye seemed like the perfect person.

Troye's gentle ministrations came to an abrupt stop as he heard Connor's mumbled words, body going rigid with shock.

"Troye, I'm gay."