Loaded Gun, Empty Arms

11. Warmth

I managed to calm down before the water got cold and scrubbed myself down. It was nice to finally be able to bathe, even if it had just been two days.

I got out of the tub and grabbed the towel. I used it to dry off my hair before the rest of my body. I looked around the bathroom for the clothes I was promised. I sighed when I couldn't find them and wrapped the towel around my waist. I splashed some cold water on my face to make the swelling in my eyes go away and checked myself in the mirror. 

I'm not sure why I'm bothering to hide it. There's no way he didn't hear me. 

I sighed and dried off my face. I stared at the door for a minute before opening it and stepping into the room. It was warmer than I remember. I looked around the room as I stepped into it. I didn't really look at it when we first came in.

It wasn't a bedroom, it was more of a study. There were bookshelves lining the walls and a large work desk off to the side. It was set in front of a large window that overlooked the city. 

I looked over towards the source of the warmth. This room had a fireplace, and one was lit while I was in the bathroom. In front of it was a velvet couch, facing the fire. 

Todoroki was on the couch, reclined and with a book in his hand. I looked down at the silver pistol on the small coffee table and bit my lip slightly.

If I can get that, I can end all this.

I eyed the gun as I tried to think of a way to get it without him noticing. 

"Are you done?"

His voice snapped me out of my thoughts and looked at him and nodded, "uh... Yeah... Where are the clothes you promised?"

He nodded towards a shelf, "Right there. I didn't want to... interrupt." 

I tensed slightly and cringed at the knowledge that he heard me. I'm such an ugly crier. I nodded slightly, "Thank you..." I turned and grabbed the clothes before going back into the bathroom.

"You know." His voice made me pause. I turned my head to lock eyes with him. "It's ok to be sad." 

My jaw clenched slightly and I looked away, "It's a useless emotion." I closed the door before he could respond. I leaned against the wood and held the clothes to my chest.

I can't believe he heard me. He probably thinks I'm weak now. Well, weaker.

I sighed and shook my head to clear it. 

Don't think about that. Think about how to get that gun.

I let the towel drop and changed into the clothes he gave me. They were big on me, but soft and comfortable. 

I looked at myself in the mirror then down at my arms. The sleves weren't long enough to hide them. I looked up when there was a knock on the door.

"Do they fit alright? I can try to find something smaller?"

I sighed and shook my head. I spoke up when I realised he couldn't see me. "No. They're fine, but..."

I opened the door and looked up at him, "I.. I can't hide my arms."

He nodded, "I'll get your jacket washed quickly then, alright?"

I nodded and picked at a scab as I looked at my arms. I flinched when he grabbed my wrist, "It will scar if you do that... Lets wrap you up."

I nodded slightly and followed him to the couch. He sat me down before getting some bandages from a med box on the table. I looked at the gun and let him pull my arm closer. I winced when he started cleaning them and sighed softly before turning to watch him. 

He cleaned my cuts gently before wrapping my arms again. He traced the bandages and hummed, "No more cutting, alright?"

I looked down slightly and away. I couldn't promise that. There's no way I could stop. Not when it was the only thing I could do right. 

He sighed and let go of my arms. He put his hand on my head and pulled me closer, "You should get some more sleep..."

He pulled me into his chest as he leaned back against the armrest of the couch. I laid my head down on his chest and looked at the fire, "I've been asleep all day though..."

"I know. It was enjoyable to watch."

"You're such a creep..."

He chuckled and started playing with my hair, "It was nice to see you so peaceful. If you can sleep so easily around me, that means you trust me."

I sighed slightly, "Not really... It's just more like I don't care what happens to me..."

He didn't respond and kept playing with my hair. It was comforting, I'll give him that.

"Why do you have so little regard for yourself? You're worth more than that."

I felt my body tense and looked up at him to see him still reading. 

I clenched my jaw and looked back down, "Don't say things like that..."

He stopped playing with my hair and I could tell he was looking at me. He sighed and set the book down, "Come on... Lets get some sleep..."

He pulled me closer and wrapped his arms around my waist. We both laid in silence for a while before I broke it again.

"Todoroki...?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you... for saving me..." 

He nodded and hummed slightly. I froze when he moved my hair back and kissed my forehead softly, "You're welcome... I won't let anything bad happen to you again..."

I blushed softly and leaned into him more. 

Why is he so confusing? He's supposed to be a cruel, heartless, insane, monster. He doesn't care about anybody. So why is he treating me like this? What is his end game?

I flinched when he started snoring. I was so deep in thought, it had caught me off guard. I watched him sleep for a few minutes before slowly sitting up. I carefully got off the couch and watched him again to make sure I didn't wake him. I looked at the gun on the table and bit my lip. I've never fired one before. Hell, I've never even held one before. 

I clenched my hands into tight fists to stop them from shaking and sighed. I looked at Todoroki again. He had rolled onto his back and was still asleep but stopped snoring. I picked up the gun and got back on the couch with him. 

I can't risk the chance of missing, so I straddle him. I aimed the gun at his head and bit my lip.

I know this is right. He's a monster. If he dies, all of this would be over, right? 

So why is every part of my body screaming at me? Telling me to put the gun down.

I closed my eyes and shook my head to clear it. When I opened them again I locked eyes with his.

They weren't cold like they usually were. They were empty and sad, like last night. 

"What are you waiting for? Do it."