Welcome to my Life

Beginning of my hell lol

Hi. I guess this is basically a diary for me.
I am Elizabeth. And I have a real shit life.

It all started when I was a fetus. My mom was high during her entire pregnancy. She was 17 when I was conceived. I was a birth control failure.

I had 2 brothers. My little brother was too young to talk at the time but me and my older brother would always play together. Perfect sister brother relationship.

We often talked about which drugs caused mommy to be the worse, we would share stolen sodas through a hole in the wall that our aunt had made when high. She loved breaking things. We would go to strangers houses with our mother while she snorted cocaine with them. She would sell and buy drugs at around 3:00 a.m. and we always went with her. Not that we had a choice. Our dad was always working offshore.

We would watch her get beaten in exchange for drugs. She would cheat on my dad all the time, and she would often yell and break things. Ya know. How little children usually bond with each other.

When my dad was home-he would just get high with her. She was never really good. But no one in my family was. My aunts were all druggies and alcoholics. My uncles were all cheaters who were also druggies and alcoholics. In and out of jail. Child molesters, rapists, drug dealers, etc.

One just got sentenced to 40 years in prison. Nice family, I know.

I always had medical problems due to having a really bad temper. I would refuse to take any type of medication. I would regurgitate if It was forced down my throat. Which it often was. I had to have doctors come to my house just to hold me down to put needles in me. And bc of that-i had a few hospital visits. Once my temperature was 107 degrees. But that's life.

Me and my brother were always very gifted in school. But it didn't last long for him. The only brother I had that cared about me. I had someone that could protect me. I had an older brother. But it was taken away from me during a car accident. Our mother was wanting to have a nice day with us. Wanting to be a mother. On our way to the park, the roads were slippery and a car pulled out in front of us.

It was bloody. Christian (my older brother) was sitting in between me and my younger brother. He wanted to be near both of us. That didn't last long. The seatbelt was around his waist only and his internal organs and spinal cord were damaged severely. He had also hit his head and blood was everywhere.

The only thing we have left from that day is his bloody shoes. The other closed were disposed of by the hospital. They allowed people to say goodbye. But I was too young. My mother said no. I never got to say goodbye.

But that's life.

Every night, I would be up at 4:00 a.m. in the living room. Sleeping/laying by the door. Waiting for my brother to come home. I would turn on all the lights bc he was scared of the dark. I would just sit there for hours on end. Waiting. And waiting. And waiting. For nothing.

That is where my insomnia journey started. Days without sleeping.
I was only 3. A few days before my 4th birthday. Worst birthday present ever🎂.
Make a wish. Blow out the candles.
"I wish for my brother back"

But that's life.

Disclaimer:
This is merely a diary of my lifetime. It will update, to give more information involving my life. I am not to give any accurate names/places due to having no faith in humanity, and fear bc I have overwhelming anxiety. I don't care if you read or not. I just need to put my story out there bc I find it as a sense of relief. Please don't be hateful or compare my life to others. This is merely a vent, and I hope everyone who does actually read this crap stays respectful.

Yeet.