It has always been you

Chapter 2: Morgan

5 years ago

I let out a breath as I shut my flat door behind me and leaned against it. My knees were still weak after last night. Actually, all of my body was still trembling. How was that even possible?

I dialled my best friend.

"Morgan, hey" she answered.

"I think I had the best sex of my life last night" I blurted out.

And the best of all was that it didn't feel like a one-night stand. I normally didn't sleep with just a random guy, but I knew Taron was something else. And he had told me he wanted to see me again. I could burst with happiness.

"You go girl" I heard her giggle "Who is he?"

I fell down on the couch "He's so kind and cute. Humble. Beautiful" I sighed "Oh his eyes are amazing"

"You got it bad, eh?" Ella said "When will you see him again?"

"We swapped numbers" I smiled.

I hoped he would call me soon.

"What about that other guy you dated?" she asked "What was his name?"

"Evan" I said calmly.

He was the safe choice and we had a lot in common. We both wanted the same things. But he didn't sweep my off my feet just like Taron had.

"I won't see him again" I stated.

But then it dawned on me. I remembered what had happened the last time I felt safe and secure in a guy's arms. It didn't end well.

"Do you think the past repeats itself?" I cringed.

"Not if you look straight ahead. Your past doesn't define your present"

"Maybe it does" I said "Because men that make my knees go weak normally –" I gulped.

Yesterday had been special, but it was best if I left it at that. Last night had been too good to be true. I could already tell I was falling in love with him. And I needed to get out of this before I got in any deeper.

"Don't build up these walls around you just because you're afraid to get hurt again" Ella said understandingly.

But then she didn't live my life. I did.

"I know" I sighed "But Evan and I are perfect for each other"

It wasn't like I couldn't imagine myself growing old with him, having children with him. He was handsome, not overly so. He had a safe job and we had the same things in common.

This was the reasonable choice. And I needed my life to be safe.

Today

I lightly shook my head at the memory. I could still vividly remember how happy I had been after that night. But I had chosen safety over passion. Maybe Taron and I could have had more. But I knew Evan would always love and protect me. Yet, I was wondering if I couldn't have had the same with Taron. Or something even better.

"Baby, are you all right?" Evan had my hand in his as we walked over to his place.

His flat was only a short walk from his mom's house

"Yeah" I smiled "I'm fine, just a bit tired"

But should I not be incredibly happy and not just fine?

It felt weird to leave Taron behind, after we couldn't finish our conversation from earlier. Had he really thought our night together had meant nothing to me? I had been so cold to him, but I wished I could tell him the truth.