Shattered

Chapter 18

After days of asking and begging, Emma finally agreed to go to dinner with Ian. Their dinner seemed normal. They talked and laughed together like a normal date. Emma even seems to enjoy herself. She even agreed to have another date. Afterward, we went on more dates and she's even enjoying it, despite saying otherwise to him. Each date we went on, I grow more anxious about what's bound to come. I couldn't speak to Connor either. I was still shocked and shy about what he recently revealed to me. I can't seem to stop the dark feeling I seem to carry with me behind the light one either. It prevents me from saying anything else.

This time, it's a movie they're watching. I guess they had enough dinners and talking for now. I was thankful there aren't any mirrors in a movie theater. Connor and I just sat next to each other stiffly as the movie played. "I'm sorry if I caused you to feel uncomfortable around me now, but what I said was true." I gulp in nervousness and keep my eyes glued to the screen. "It doesn't seem real," I whisper back. "I should've said so before. I'm sorry." I finally turn to him with a glare. "Stop saying that. You shouldn't be sorry about anything!" I hissed at him. He turns to me in shock and confusion. "What?"

"Stop saying sorry. Nothing is your fault. I know I yelled at you and blamed you for everything and I probably screwed up big time by doing that but that doesn't make anything your fault. Not really. It may be your hands doing the work but your heart isn't in it." He just blinks at me with a dumbfounded look. "Shut up! We're trying to watch a movie!" I snatch his hand and drag him out of the theater. "I like you too, okay? I don't blame you for anything. It wasn't you who did all those things and it's not going to be you to make this next mistake." He flinched and immediately stiffened when I referred to the next murder. The next victim. Me.

"Can we not talk about it right now?"

"It's inevitable. There's nothing we can do." I sigh. As I've been feeling from the beginning, I want to cry and scream in rage. I want to destroy everything in my path and have it stay there as a reminder that I have control. I deserve at least that much, don't I? Connor suddenly hugs me tightly as I feel myself start to shake. "We'll try to figure it out. We'll find something." I shake my head and softly push him away. "No. Not anymore. I'm tired of being hopeful only to be let down. Let's just give up. I'll accept my fate." He shakes his head at me as his eyes grow darker. "No, we have convinced each other over and over and worked to help each other stay on track when we wanted to give up. What makes you think I'll let you give up now?"

"Because there's nothing left. We've tried everything. There's nothing left to do. We've been trying to come up with ideas but couldn't do anything. Connor, there's nothing left. I wish I could have more time with you. With Willow. Oh god, Willow." I start to break down into tears again as I think of my precious daughter. "How is she going to live? Where will my baby go?" I lean forward again into Connor's arms and sob. "I won't give up then," he declares. "You spend as much time with us as you need but I will never give up. I will try my best to help take care of her. She'll most likely live with your parents so I'll visit her as much as possible. I promise. I swear to you." I couldn't reply as I continually sob. With each cry, a piece of my heart breaks and slips down into my gut. The kife slowly sinks further into my chest with each thought of being gone. With the idea of Willow wondering what happened to her mother. The image of her crying out my name when she needs me the most. It's too much to bear and there's nothing I can do.

***

Emma retired to bed as usual and she even seems happier. Little does she know, it's going to end, and soon. As soon as she fell asleep, I sit up and face the door. Moments later, I hear tiny footsteps tapping through the hall before my door rattles. "Mommy!" Willow swings the door open and rushes to my bed. I smile at her and lift her into my lap. "Hey, Honey! How are you?" I wrap my arms around her and hold her tightly. "I'm okay. What about you?" She beams up at me with her gorgeous and bright smile. "I'm good," I lied to her. I force a smile of my own but with her being my daughter, she knows better. "Are you okay, mommy?" I nod. "Of course. I'm just really tired. It's been a long day." She didn't buy my poor excuse but also didn't question it anymore. "I'm hungry!" I raise a brow at her before she shyly adds a please to her demand.

I step into the kitchen and start to look through the fridge for something to eat. I pull out the already frozen waffles and pop them into the toaster. "Waffles!" Willow starts to jump around in the kitchen in excitement. I set everything up such as grabbing plates and pulling out the maple syrup and butter. When they pop up, I quickly grab them and toss them onto the plates. I hear Willow pull out the drawer holding the silverware. Two metallic clinking sounds follow after the drawer closes and Willow places the forks onto the plates. We set the plates down at the table and starts eating. We silently ate at first. I was thankful when Willow opened her mouth to speak to break the deafening silence.

"Are you dating Connor now?" Or not. I choke on my waffle as soon as she said the question so suddenly. "Is that a yes?" I take a few gulps of water while I shake my head. I slam the cup down harder than I thought, startling Willow. "No." She frowns with disappointment and looks down at her waffle. I softly sigh and decide to at least tell her a little bit of what she wants to hear. "But he did confess to me." She immediately perks up and listens intently to what I have to say. "What did you say?" I feel my cheeks grow warm as I blush. "I didn't answer until later."

"Did you say yes?" I shrug and I suddenly feel like I'm the girl being interrogated by her friends at a sleepover. "I said I liked him too." Willow squeals with happiness and jumps out of her chair, nearly dropping her plate of waffles. She runs around the table full of pure energy now and I suddenly get the feeling she had used her pouty face to get an answer out of me. She had it all planned. I giggle, snatching her as she ran my way. She screamed and giggled. "You are a little brat sometimes!" She looks up at me with a grin. "But you love me!" she states proudly and I can't help but smile at her gently. "Yes. I love you so much, baby. Remember how much I love you, okay?" Her smile drops and she turns her body around fully to face me. "Mommy?"

"I love you a lot. I always will. Don't forget that." She slowly nods at me with a worried gaze. I feel something slide down my cheeks and I suddenly sniffle. I pull her closer and hug her tightly again with hopes she doesn't see my tears. "Mommy?" I repeat my words to her as I sob. "I love you. You can drive me nuts but I still love you. I would give you everything to make you happy if I could. Please remember, Willow." She just stands there silently and I can feel her body start to shake in my embrace. "You're scaring me, mommy. Are you okay?" I shakily nod and I just hold her. "I'm okay. I'm sorry, honey."

***

As I lie in bed, thinking about everything, I suddenly realize that after everything, death can change you the most. Everything becomes so real all so suddenly. You either try to live life to the fullest and appreciate everything while you still can or you give up. Everything seems so helpless. Tomorrow, I'll tell mom and dad I love them and spend time with them as much as I can without worrying them. I don't want them to spend the few moments we have left feeling scared or panicked or try to hide their feelings. I want actual smiles and happy moments. Not fake ones.

Suddenly, I feel something grip my face forcefully and I start to struggle. I scream and panic. I stare up and see Connor. My heart rate picks up as my eyes widen and my breathing quickens. No, I thought I had enough time. I wanted to tell mom and dad I love them. I still wanted to live at least another day. Not this soon. Wait, is this even real? Am I having a nightmare? Maybe I'll still live if this isn't happening in the Reflected world. I try to glance at the mirror and my heart drops when I realize I can't. All of my movements are forced. I'm kicking, screaming, crying as the figure over us both struggles to hold us down. I was too hopeful. Was it truly too soon though? Was I thinking there was more time? It had been over a month since they first started going out on dates. Perhaps I was too slow. I thought I had longer. I was so stupid in thinking so.

I feel my mind slowly giving up but my body won't stop struggling. Emma fights with everything she has. That is until our attacker suddenly sticks something into our thigh. After a short time, we grow drowsy and slowly slump into a slumber. This is it. The day had finally come. The inevitable and inescapable had finally arrived. Tonight, I'll leave everyone I loved. I'll leave behind my greatest treasure. Tonight, I'll finally die by the hands of the man I had grown to love.