Don't get too close
I feel trapped. Like a deer caught in headlights, i am paralyzed.
Its too soon, you are too much.
Please, i can't breathe.
Is it my nature or just my commitment issues?
I will detract. I will detach.
The more you try to appeal to me, the more i will push you away.
Please don't pressure me.
Can't you understand how much it hurts me to pull away?
i feel like a caged animal I need freedom. I need air.
You can't possibly understand how much my own fear controls me.
i've been here too many times. I've given myself up too many times.
It doesn't matter how much i want you, my fear will drive me away from your touch.
What's wrong with me? Why can't i ever have a good thing? Why is it always too much for me to handle?
when did i become a desolate plain, isolated from everything good as well as bad?
Somehow i have become defensive, fragile. I find my strength in the solitude. Independence is the easy part.
Trusting, falling and committing is fucking terrifying.
Yes, i have picked myself up after my consumption before, but it has left me covered in scar tissue.
My layers, my walls protect me. Breaking them down will weaken me and make me vulnerable to enemy fire!
But who is the enemy here? Is it the one who i love, who gives me abundance and safety or is it me, sabotaging
every opportunity for happiness i can get?
Self sabotage is a toxic cycle disguised as safety and protection. However we are not protecting ourselves.
We are only hurting ourselves more.
