Flipped

1.10

I stared at the wall, trying to keep my breathing level and smooth.  It was easier if my sisters thought I was asleep.  I hadn't been expecting tonight to be one of those nights.  We had family night tonight.  I'd won at Monopoly.  Why was this happening tonight?

My eyes   snapped open.  I thought I'd seen Jordan looking at me from her bunk, but I turned over before we could make eye contact and froze.  I didn't want to talk to her tonight about it, instead I wanted to stare at the wall that was right beside my bed.

I spent a lot of nights staring at the wall.

"It's all disorganized.  Everything you do is disorganized.  And I try to help.  You know I try." 

Silence.  I could hear the soft, silky words coming from my dad.  It should have been more relaxing, coming from him.  It was the same sound that put me to sleep, and I knew I should have been able to sleep.  But for some reason, her reply always bothered me.

"I know.  I'm sorry." my mom said, her voice flat. 

"Tara, you're such an amazing person.  That's what's so hard for me.  You're almost perfect.  If you could only be more organized?" my dad purred.

"I'm stressed... I...I'm busy,  I'm—"

"Excuses?  You're better than that Tara.  I know you are better than that."

"No."  It was almost a whisper, so quiet it was hard to hear.

"What?"

"No. I'm better that that.  I'm doing all I can... It's –"

She trailed off into silence that lasted for a  split second.  "Babe, that's not true. I know that's not true, because you promised me , you promised me you could do better. We have to do better." 

"I'm doing almost everything on my own.  I can't."

I managed to finally keep my breathing level. To anyone else  I was sleeping.  Jordan and Sophie had to have been awake.  The sound of his voice seemed to shake the whole house. 

"You are never here...  out almost every night, Tom....  I can't do it anymore. I -"  Her voice was trembling, whispering. 

He was whispering too now, but different from her. Forceful, with intensity.  "This isn't about me.  I'm out there working my ass off, you know that. you need to stay organized - that's your job.  This isn't about me.  It's about Sophie and Jordan and Chris.  I'm so hard on you because this is about your kids."

"I'm  working too,  I'm  not just at home, I—"

"I know.  I know that. That's why I know you can do it.  I can help you, just not right now, when things get less busy."

This is about your kids. 

Silence. It was over and like every other time it would be okay in the morning.  Why were we always stressing our parents out?  Why was I causing them to fight?  Could I be better? Would that make it stop?  

Maybe it was the fact that I knew the Secret that made these   fights harder on me than the other two.

It was a few months ago when it happened.  I came home early one day from school, skipping math.  That was when I found my dad at home with her.  I went to my room at his request and a little later my dad took me out for a drive.  We went to Dairy Queen, where he told me about being a man.

He asked if there was anyone I liked at school.  When I was too shy to say anything, he started telling me how us men needed to stick together. How we needed to support one another against anyone.  Sometimes us men need to help each other, he said again.  He told me that I could always come to him with anything, so I told him who I liked and he told me what I should do.  After, he said he was beyond proud of me for telling him.  "It takes a real man to get help, Chris.  You know you can ask me for anything you want, anytime."

After Dairy Queen, we went on a walk and drove all over town. That was when he told me the Secret.

Sometimes, afterwards, he'd look right at me, smile a little, and give me  a wink. We'd been a lot closer ever since that day. So I didn't want to mess it up. 

The house was finally quiet, and I took a deep breath in and out. Thinking back on that day made me feel calmer.  My dad had always been so nice to me, because  I'd always been his favorite.    I had decided I was going to ask him the next time we were alone.  It might help me understand.  And with that thought, I drifted off to sleep.

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I'll be publishing 3 chapters this week - I had to write this one on the fly so I hope you enjoy it! As always feel free to comment on this site or elsewhere if you're someone I know and you want to reach me. DM's are always fine too. Thank you for reading!