The nebulizer hums and drones on. I stare at the multi colored tiny palm prints that decorate the room I am in. Breathe in. Breath out. The fumes I exhale from the transparent blue mask covering half my face fogs my glasses dissuading my focus from the tiny children palm prints that decorated the white ceiling in various colors. I scowl.
The Ventolin I am respiring from the mask connected to the nebulizer is making me edgy and shaky as usual. My side effect to the drug. I am beyond irritated. I get up shakily taking care not to move the see through light blue mask. My vision swims for a few seconds and steadies again. I reach for my phone at the small table beside the bed I am on in the ER and wince as something painful digs into my hand making me look down. Of course.
How could I fail to notice the IV stuck deep inside my skin? I eye the half finished drip almost sure it contains some antibiotics after all am sure it's a lung infection that landed me here today. I look at the portable heart monitor that was hooked to my middle finger on my left hand beeping steadily. I rip it off.
I am thoroughly tempted to rip the IV out too but they would just hook me to new one. I hate this place. I reach for my phone again placing my finger on the back scanner and the screen flashes open.3 missed calls from my boyfriend and its 4pm. Okay that's just fucking great. When did I pass out? I really don't remember.
I close my eyes and try to remember. University. Discomfort in my chest. My inhaler was not helping much. And She rushed to the university clinic to try get me some painkillers. My vision blurred and I surely must have passed out there by missing the first day of orientation week. I open my eyes my groaning. I had prepared so much for this day.
I am still in my dark blue jeans, long sleeved peach camisole with my heavy woolen brown sweater and cream scarf. I start loosening the scarf angrily though I know its not the scarf's fault am here. Why did I have to live such a life? Tears prick my eyes. I blink them back in anger. Why didn't I just die? Why did they always have to bring me back?
The nebulizer shuddered as it emptied the last of the Ventolin into my lungs. I took the blue transparent mask off and tossed it aside on the bed taking in a huge gulp of fresh clear unmedical air......well as much unmedical air as a hospital allows.
Nurse Kathy walks in wearing pink pattern scrubs. She beams when she sees me sitting up and very much awake. she always ignore my unpleasant scowls.
"Jasmin you are awake. That's good. You had all of us worried" She beams as she checks and switches off the nebulizer after confirming all the drug is inside me now.
"Ever a pleasure to see you Kathy. How long was I out?" I roll my eyes.
"They brought you in three hours ago" Her eyes beam.
Oh great. I was AWOL for three hours. I missed the great orientation feast. And am sure I know well who brought me here. Kathy moves to the drip to check its content and notices my trembling frame. She silently hooks the portable heart monitor to my trembling finger again.
"Where was your inhaler Jasmin?" She asks silently as she fumbles with the blue mask to take it for disinfecting. Her short braids visible through the silk veil she's wearing.
"I must have forgotten it at home." I shrug nonchalantly. She gives me a stern stare.
"Alright she must have it with my bag pack." Great here comes the mother lecture. But she just stares at me her lips pressed into a thin line.
"I'll go tell the doctor you are awake." With that she leaves me in the empty ER feeling extremely guilty and forlorn. I sigh in resignation and look at the familiar pattern of palm prints I have grown accustomed to for the past seven years as I tremble with the medicine circulating inside my veins urging my sick lungs to do their work and keep me alive hopefully.
