AWKWARD JENNA HAMILTON'S DIARY

Uncharitable Charity

It was Saturday, but instead of kicking back, my mother was forcing me to attend a party thrown by the elite mother/daughter charity league known as the “Knick-Knackers.” Unfortunately, three spots were open. And I was sick at the thought of actually landing one. Cuz the Knick-Knackers weren’t obsessed with helping the homeless. They were obsessed with…

Plastic. Plastic was the power currency of Palos Verdes. In the skin and in the wallet. To be a certified PV mom meant you had to rock a bodacious body and a black AmEx. Neither of which were earned by a day job. To be a PV mom, working meant working-out or working a room. Or being a Knick-Knacker.

And my mom was going to stay up in my grill until she became one.

So there I was powerless to my mother’s subtle persuasion—to stop embarrassing her.

I was also strangely powerless to the feeling that the house belonged to someone emotionally disturbed. Or worse…evil incarnate. Mo to the fo. I was in Sadie Saxton’s house.  And it made sense… the devil would absolutely hide himself behind an altruistic organization.  Needless to say -  after Sadie cited number seven on the letter-  “you have to be cruel to be kind”- I knew she was the author.  So there I was in my enemy’s house enduring a bogus benefit.  My hellacious day was complete…or was it?  Cuz Matty was there- working the party- and ignoring me.   Up until then we had a very textual relationship. But a lot of the time, when we were out in public, I couldn’t figure out our subtext. He was…awkward. And that made me awkward.

Sometimes I couldn’t help but wonder if his weirdness in public was a power play. I knew that deep down, Matty and I had some kind of connection. But maybe he was putting on his incompetence at social situations so that he could control what we were. Matty didn’t want to be in a relationship. If we didn’t appear to be in one, then we weren’t in one. 

But, on the other hand, it was really hard to believe that Matty was that calculating. And I didn’t want to believe it.

I wanted to hang out with him. Alone. And just when I thought I might get the chance for a little non-awkward Matty time, Jake popped up out of nowhere.

I hadn’t seen Jake since he’d impulsively shoved his tongue down my throat. And by the look of him, you would’ve thought I never gave it back.  I had to get out of there.  And I did.  And Matty still hasn’t texted me back since Wednesday.  Sigh.