grey's anatomy prefernces + one-shots (requests open)

red || d.s.

red by taylor swift song fic
warnings: what seems like eternal heartbreak, angst

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Loving him is like
Driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street
Faster than the wind
Passionate as sin
Ending so suddenly

You and Derek had it good, you loved each other. With big plans for the future , then one night she showed up. Addison. All she had to say were those words and you knew the fun was over, you'd taken it for granted. "Hi, I'm Addison Shepherd." She said.

"Shepherd?" You asked, already feeling destroyed.

"And you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband."

Loving him is like
Trying to change your mind once you're already flying through the free fall
Like the colors in autumn, so bright
Just before they lose it all

You tried to stop loving him, you really did but he filled your head. So one day you broke and told him. "Okay here it is. Your choice. It’ s simple. Her or me. And I’m sure she’ s really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big – pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window – unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me. Choose me. Love me."

And you hoped to everything he would.

Losing him was blue like I'd never known
Missing him was dark grey, all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met
But loving him was red

But he chose Addison and you were more than heartbroken. Even when you tried to pick yourself up again, you were plagued with the thoughts of him. He was around every corner, his voice whispering "Y/N I love you." But that was so long ago.

Touching him was like
Realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you
Memorizing him was as
Easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song
Fighting with him was like
Trying to solve a crossword and realizing there's no right answer
Regretting him was like
Wishing you never found out that love could be that strong

Every interaction was avoided or incredibly awkward. You wanted him, you needed him, and you despised her. Even though it wasn't her fault you couldn't help but blame her for your misfortune. Even when you tried new people it didn't help. So you instead turned to sex but he threw a fit about it. Which you grilled him for, "You don't get to call me a whore. When I met you, I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done. So all the boys, and all the bars, and all the obvious daddy issues, who cared? Because I was done. You left me. You chose Addison. I'm all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. You don't get to call me a whore." You lied though, you weren't glued back together and never would be.

Remembering him comes in flashbacks
And echoes
Tell myself it's time now
Gotta let go
But moving on from him is impossible
When I still see it all in my head
In burning red
Burning it was red

But still you always thought of him, you tried everything. Other men, avoidance, drinks, but nothing could stop you from thinking about him. When Mark Sloan showed up you jumped at a chance for revenge, he didn't know your past so you slept with him. Constantly slept with him and didn't try to hide the fact that you were doing jt from anyone. Yet you still imagined it was Derek and couldn't stop, so the love affair ended.

Oh, losing him was blue like I'd never known
Missing him was dark grey, all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met
'Cause loving him was red

You remembered how he'd kiss your face, or take you on dates on ferryboats. It pained you to even look at the ferryboats now. So close to eternal love before she'd showed up and tore that away from you. You were a dirty mistress who'd fallen in love without knowing you were a mistress. Even when you ended up working under Addison you had occasional snarky comments lined up.

And that's why he's spinning 'round in my head
Comes back to me, burning red
Yeah, yeah
His love was like
Driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street

You rematched to Mercy West Hospital, you couldn't handle it anymore. Vowing off work relationships. Unaware that in little time you'd end up back here.