You Are Perfect To Me

Chapter 2 - Opportunity

I woke to the sound of my mom's irritating alarm melody. I was alone in the bed. My mom was probably gone to a therapy session or something. Last night she told me about the foster family. They're called the Newmans and they have three kids already. Two girls and one boy. She knows the two girls are twins and their son is around the same age as me. She said not to worry about them too much. She was trying to comfort me, but she knew she wouldn't get far and I would be more worried than she could imagine (worried about her, not me) so she just gave up after a few minutes and we fell asleep. Well ... At least I did. I don't really know about her. She barely gets any sleep at all these days. You can see bags under her eyes nearly every day, and sometimes- when you know she stayed up all night- her eyes are so bloodshot, she looks like a drug addict. And we all know what less (or no) sleep does to a person. She is more grumpy and sad, which means there are even more fights than usual.

I decided to finally get up because I lost at least 10 minutes of my time to get ready for school just thinking about these things. I always think. And then re-think. And then I end up over thinking everything and get upset. Sometimes I wish my inner voice would just shut up and let me act and not just think about acting.

I opened my wardrobe, took out jean shorts and my favorite top. I also put on a hoodie (like i always did) to hide my wrists. Maybe wearing my favorite clothes will help cheer me up. I quickly ran down the stairs, nearly falling on the last few steps. I went into the kitchen and grabbed the muesli bar I found on the table, with a note saying "You need to eat something , Love Mom ❤" I think it was that note that made me decide to eat the bar and pretty much anything I ate that day. I love my mom so much. She radiates happiness, even on the worst days.

I glanced at the clock and saw how late it was. If I wanted to catch the bus I had to leave in around 6-7 minutes. Wow what accuracy. Somehow that accuracy doesn't really work in any useful situations. Like math class for example. I was going to fail that test and that I was 100% sure of it.

Seeing as I was so late I grabbed the first shoes I could find and quickly slipped them on. They were my Vans. The ones I got for my birthday last year. I barely ever wore them because I was afraid of damaging them. But as I promised myself when I got up, I was going to act and not think too much.

Even though there was only a few minutes left, this time I walked up the stairs slowly. It was better being late than breaking a leg. I entered my room and went into the bathroom, brushing my teeth in 30 seconds and my hair in 50. I spent to other 3 minutes dabbing on some make-up, to look at least a bit more like a human and not a zombie witch.

I then grabbed my small backpack and speedily (but not running) went down the stairs. "Lana!?" I suddenly heard as I was about to open the front door. The voice sounded frustrated with a mixture of something else but I couldn't quite identify what. It also sounded drunk. The kind of drunk where you couldn't think properly and your words smeared together into one long flowy word. I knew the voice too well. "Sorry Daddy. I'm going to be late", I said, adding as much venom as I dared into the world 'Daddy'. A grin of satisfaction appeared on my face as I opened the door and slammed it shut behind me.

I looked up at the sky. There were only small wisps of clouds visible. The sun was beaming down on the world but a cold breeze made it a nice day and didn't make everyone feel like they were being roasted in an oven. It was the kind of weather that I loved. Hot but not sweaty.

I walked to the bus stop at a fast pace. This was my last day at this hopeless school (my mom told me I was moving to the same school as the Newmans' kids tomorrow so I could settle in). I was glad to go but I knew I would miss some of it. Even the worst things that happened here couldn't make me hate it. I mean I obviously hated the classes and grades and tests. But some of the people I met here changed my life. Even though most of them made it a living nightmare, some, the rare handful, changed my life to the better and for once not the worse.

As I arrived at the stop the bus just turned the corner of the street and stopped at its usual location. People squeezed in, one by one, some pushing to get better seats. I (as always) climbed in last and found a seat with no one beside me. I tried to sit down but the driver suddenly rushed forward. Instead of sitting down gracefully, I fell into the seat clumsily my bag falling out of my hands. I heard sniggers somewhere behind me but I ignored them, picked up my bag and sat the rest of the bus ride in silence.

I got off the bus and went straight to my locker and then to the library. It was small and there was a very limited selection of books there. Also being in the library made you a nerd. That's why there was never any people in here. That made it the perfect place for me and Paige to meet.

Paige was one of the people I was talking about earlier. She is my best friend. I can trust her, and I can't say that about a lot of people. She knows what I was struggling with. What I still struggle with. She doesn't know what it feels like, but she listens. She listens and doesn't judge. She tries her best to help me and I love her for it. I don't know what I'd do without her.

I waited patiently until Paige arrived. When she finally did, she was her usual bubbly self her long high-ponytail bouncing up and down. "Hey Lana!" she exclaimed. She sounded so happy to see me. She embraced me in a quick but tight and affectionate hug. "You said you had to tell me something," she said curiously. "Yeah, yeah I do," I answered. And I did. I told her. I told her all about the fight and the foster family... And all about my new school

She was understanding up until I got to that part. I wanted to tell her earlier but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I regretted it now because she totally broke down in front of me. She started crying and asking me if there was anything we could do to change my parents minds. I told her no and that we really had to get going to class. She quickly cleaned herself up and for the rest of the day she never showed any more signs of wanting to break down and she was the one cheering me up and not the other way around. She told me all the things I wanted to tell her like that we could still be friends and all that stuff. I know it seems pathetic but she stopped me from bawling my eyes out at least three times that day. I was so so grateful for her.

I figured out I failed Science and Math (as expected) and I got to say goodbye to a few friends (precisely 3 and all guys). Jake was the one I was going to miss the most. He was someone who understood. But he was happy now. He had a girlfriend and lots of friends who cared about him. He still remembered what it was like to be sad though. I could depend on him. He provided a shoulder to cry on but also some entertainment for Saturday night. It seemed like he always wanted to be doing something. Going to the cinema or organizing a party. Sometimes it was hard for me to keep up with him.

After I hugged them all goodbye over and over again I finally got on the bus. I started at my music homework but then realized I wouldn't even have to hand it in so instead I sat in silence, daydreaming about my new school being a new start for me. A new life. One of happiness, friends and maybe even a boyfriend.

As I walked home the sun was still high. The perks of Spring I thought as I walked past a garden filled with daffodils. It started getting really warm after about 10 minutes of walking. I wanted to take off my hoodie but I didn't feel confident enough to do it so when I got home I was all sweaty and sticky so I hopped into the shower as soon as I got there. I also did it because I had to figure out some lame apology that I was going to present to my dad when he'll scream at me for being ungrateful and what better place to think than in the shower. I still didn't regret doing it though. I only had a few days left with him anyway so who cares.

My dad didn't even get mad. He actually tried being nice. As far as his being nice goes. I mean he only sweared at me twice. He told me he was going to drive and collect me from my new school tomorrow he will bring half of my bags and give them to my foster mom who was then after school going to bring me to my new house. On Saturday we're going to get the rest of my stuff. I liked the plan because it meant that I could at least say bye to my mom on Saturday.

I went to bed early because I was tired but I still couldn't fall asleep. I was nervous and excited all at once. I finally fell asleep thinking about all the amazing opportunities I could get at this new school... Or all the ones I could waste. My life has suddenly turned into a bunch of opportunities. Just getting away from this family was a big one. This new school? I didn't really know. I just hoped that in the end things would work out fine.