"Pro Ana Nation"

chapter 1:maia

Chapter 1: Maia

"So x must equal y+2,does that make sense ?"

I look at the clock; 3:02pm...28 more minutes of algebra.28 more minutes of this BS and I'd be free...well not "free" free...but a little bit closer to "free" at any rate.

I run my hand through my chestnut hair,and glance round the classroom.A few rows in front I see a guy pass a donut to his friend under the desk.Ewwwww.Donuts were definitely invented by a fat person I conclude as I watch one of the guys sneak bites,from the sugar-coated poison in his hands, whenever the teacher turns her back to the class to write equations on the board.I stare at him,half wondering just HOW people can eat that crap,and the other half wondering how it's actually possible to look that fucking attractive while eating that crap.Just as I'm thinking this,he turns round in his chair to brush the sugar from his hands and catches me staring at him.He smiles,putting a hand to his lips and then mouthing "shhhh",before winking and turning around again.I blush and look down at my exercise book..god he's hot I think...

I get angry at myself then.Girls like me don't get winks from hot guys unless they're being made fun of...and girls like me are not meant to have crushes on guys like him...but then girls like me aren't meant to do a lot of things.

3.07pm...I'm still not listening...only 23 minutes left now so there's not much point in trying to focus on algebra anyway.I haven't even opened my exercise-book yet....but I sit at the back of the class,on a desk by myself so I won't get screwed at,as the teacher hardly knows my name anyway let alone that I never pay any attention in her lessons.That's the thing I love about being quiet and having as little friends as possible...you can get away with so much more.Nobody expects rebellious things from you...and even if you do get caught,teachers always cast it off as being a "one time thing" due to your reserved nature and "perfect" grades.Oh...how easy people are to manipulative sometimes, I think as I lean back onto the radiator by the wall and day-dream about another world where I am weightless and invisible.

I check the timer on my phone under the desk,18 hours it says...18 beautiful calorie free hours...and I'm loving every single dizzy second of it.I used to take a swig of vodka from my parents liquor cabinet every day when I got home from school...but now I don't need to...I feel alive...I feel high...I feel numb...I feel empty...and I feel great.

Holy shit,it's fucking freezing in here I think as I put my phone back in my pocket.Just one of the many reasons I hate waking up every morning at 7am to spend six hours in this shit-hole;the heating never works!

I spend five minutes trying to focus on solving the equations on the board but I just can't concentrate no matter how hard I try.It makes me pissed off...I'm a A grade student and these questions are so easy...I can even see all the dumb-fucks in my class scribbling away in their books and yet I can't even solve the first equation?

Fuck it.

Since nobody's even looking my way,I figure I'll just spend the lesson my phone.I put my bag on the desk so if anyone does even acknowledge my presence in the class they won't be able to see me on my phone...or more importantly what's on my phone.I open the pink and black app and smile as I scroll through the list of the 17 new messages,I've been sent since I checked it this morning.

The site's called снага....and it's where I vent my deepest darkest secrets...