Off To Neverland

.01

The bell rings, third period is finally over. It feels like forever sense I've been able to walk through these halls with my head held high and smile, because far too often I find myself simply staring at my feet stumbling through my life. And now more than ever I am realizing this. As I realize just what's becoming of my life I think to myself, "Well, seems to be just another good-depressing day in the life of Fenrin Delilah Laycee."

I say a 'good-depressing day' because a bad-depressing day and a good-depressing day are in fact two very different things. A good-depressing day is a day that you get through with no new scars plastered onto your heart to call your own, whereas a bad-depressing day is one that just gets to you in every way. I've had quite a few of each of these you see, even though I despise referring to myself as a 'depressed' person.

I was three when my parents split up, and I remember everything about that last night. From the way the air smelled and made my clothes cling to my skin, to how a blurry moon followed our car as we drove, and how my mom had cried. To this day you rarely see my mom cry unless shes very upset, and that's how I knew that what my mom and dad once had was destroyed.

Not that they had had anything to begin with. My fathers a drug-addict-alcoholic-no-count-of-a-dad that neither my brother nor I can stand to be around for long periods of time. My mom and dad had been fighting all night that night, or at least from what I can remember. I remember her being so pissed about something- oh gosh what was it- I cant remember what it was but I know she was defiantly pissed. She screamed and he screamed back and being a little girl I thought that they were fighting because of me or because of something I had done, so I screamed too. I still sometimes find myself thinking that. Had I done something wrong that made them fight? As I grow older I'm realizing that nothing I have ever done causes my father to drink like he does, but there's nothing I'll ever be able to do to make him stop.

When I was a kid, daddy was a super hero. I looked up to him more than I looked up to anyone else because when I was young my mom shielded me from the truth in an attempt to help me hurt less when I was old enough to understand fully that by dad was a no-count-loser. Now, as I am older, we see that her strategy didn't work so well. No one told me about my dad being the way he is until I was 8, and it hit me hard. All of a sudden everything started to make sense to me; why he hadn't been there when I needed him most, why things weren't like all of my friends families, it all started to make sense. Then a strange thing called resent began to grow inside of me. I got so angry at my dad for being the way he was but at the same time felt guilty if I didn't call and check in on him. Things got hard for me and I began to close up on myself in seventh grade. And now I'm here, walking down the eighth grade hall passing my teachers and friends.

"Fennnnn..... Fenrin...? FENRIN!!!"

"What?" I said as I awoke from my dazed daydreams. It was Andrew running up behind me.

"Oh hey", I said as I watched his sea-foam green hair come running towards me, "What have you been up to today?" I asked.

"Well whats it look like? School of course!!" He replied.

Now Andrew is a dear friend of mine but let me just say, he's the most fabulous guy I have ever met. He's about my height, with a sharp-but-not-too-sharp jaw line, sea-foam green died hair opposed to his natural black hair, and according to him an amazing butt. Lets face it, he's a straight up queen. I love him dearly for it though, and not only that he too has a past that's not the best.

Andrews past isn't THE WORST past ever or even that bad really, its more the present that's bothering him now. His parents are getting divorced and he was moved all over the country last summer visiting family while he waited for the hole thing to just blow over. But this sort of thing doesn't just blow over. I try and talk to him about it but he kind of pushes me away when I do try. And as he and I walked down to the cafeteria for lunch he just couldn't stop talking about how amazing he looked today.

Yay!! First part of a new story published!! tell me what you all think about it! :) ~Kaylea