Seeing the Thing

Chapter 16

warnings: some fluff, some angst

***

The words looked fuzzy on the phone for a moment. You knew a girl broke Tom's heart last summer. Harrison told you that Tom was more miserable those first few months of school than he's ever seen him. You never imagined that you'd be forced to confront it. This was his past, a past that he wasn't ready to share with you yet. And that was fine, you'd wait forever, but the text message crept up on both of you and smacks you upside the head. It left you slightly dizzy and your knees throbbed. You slipped out of your bed, Tom looked peaceful so you let him sleep. Yes, that's totally why. Not because you felt too guilty for reading words that were clearly meant for him and him alone.

You smiled as his nose twitched slightly before those words hit you like a fucking freight train again. It left you gasping for air as you grabbed clothes and your backpack. You couldn't stay here and look at him, full of secrets and a life a thousand miles away from you. A life, you reminded yourself, he'd go back to after finals. You couldn't stay, so you didn't. He'd just think you had to go to class, which was totally true, in two hours. You filled that time sitting in the dining hall and trying not to cry into a bowl of now soggy cereal.

You skipped differential equations to cry in the bathroom right outside the class. You would've gone in, but just the thought of doing anything as mentally draining as that made you tear up. You made it to your next class, just barely, eyes red and you fought against everything in you not to cry when your professor called on you. You were hardly able to speak and when she asked you to speak up you did, but your voice cracked. You were grateful that after that you could hole up on the third floor of the library, the silent zone, so even if Tom showed up and offered you a coffee, he couldn't say anything. Which was good, because you didn't want to hear anything from him. Your phone buzzed, quite a few times. You tried to ignore it until you got an angry stare from someone else studying.

Tom: u didnt wake me up this morning :(

Tom: ok i know u dont have class rn

Tom: just lemme know ur ok :/

You: im fine

Tom: no, no way, u cant be ok, u didnt use proper punctuation

Tom: ...

Tom: u read what Britney sent me didnt u

Tom: i didnt reply deleted her number actually

Tom: can we talk in person?

You: very busy ive got sound cues to balance tonight

Tom: plz dont push me away

You: im not

You turned your phone off, grabbing dinner at the dining hall, or at the very least you attempted to. Your head was pounding and you felt sick to your stomach so you only grabbed an apple before walking to the theatre space the club had rented for next week. Being friends with Janet, the building manager, had its perks, she let you in to test your sound cues with a wave and told you to lock up when you finished. You could have waited until Sunday, the first day of tech, but no shows were scheduled before Almost, Maine. And damn it, if you wanted to cry while playing 'Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometime' over and over again, you would. Ever the multitasker you were, crying but silently as you tested levels, adjusting each sound cue to your liking. You were very out of breath after climbing stairs to the booth and back down to listen to the cues dozens of times. It doesn't help that each moment the cue would stop, the auditorium and your heart would fill with a silence that made you dizzy. It was past midnight and you looked at the apple left uneaten when your stomach growled and cut through your sound cue, reminding you that you haven't had anything to eat today other than one bite of cereal that turned your stomach inside out.