Nameless Thoughts of an Onlooker

7

It is often easier to defend your principles than to live up to them.

An honest saying.

Whoever first thought of that wise phrase has seen through the innumerable facades all "virtuous" members of a group put up. Even those who do not aim to be noble would find it difficult to dispute such a statement. After all, when one's ideals are examined and questioned by another, who wouldn't feel the infuriating sting of attack, of rejection, of...invalidity? Who wouldn't feel the need to protect oneself? For at that moment, that ideal becomes the embodiment of the person, and that sting of scrutiny must be fought off immediately! At that moment, that ideal is near-equivalent to one's life, and to preserve one's life one must fight unyieldingly and courageously! So, they clench their fists, they grit their teeth, they open their eyes wide and proclaim the legitimacy of their "truth", no matter how ridiculous it is upon further thought.

You must be wrong, you contend, for there are hundreds of people every day who get up from their comfortable homes and take to the cold streets, fighting for their principles. Is this not living up to them? No! Let me carefully explain. A line must first be drawn between "defending" and "fighting"; defense only occurs upon incursion, but here, a fight implies that one is initiating - not defending against - an attack. Defending against uninvited scrutiny is much simpler, and some may even say much more inciting, than leaving one's comfortable home and taking to the cold streets to fight for ideals. In this case, you are correct: fighting is difficult. 

However, fighting is not living! A fight does not appear every single day of one's life, and we are not required to actively take up arms every waking moment. But, steadfastly digging one's aching, battered fingers into a conviction and stubbornly holding onto it, day after day after day after day, is a battle that must be carried out each second; it requires much more effort than simply defending - or even fighting for - some belief. When one is in their comfortable home, devoid of any pressing issues that require them to "prove" their thoughts, and yet they are still, perhaps unconsciously, just as willing to brave any adversary - that is what I would call living up to held principles. I would say such determination, when truly righteous, is rather rare.

Of course, I am not a righteous man, and I most definitely don't claim to be one. While "true" virtue is still done for self-servitude in the form of self-satisfaction, my actions are obviously and directly for my own gain; I don't even attempt to hide it. Therefore, I have never had any qualms with living up to my principles. I am in full agreement with them and I care not for showing off, for I know that valuing my survival over all should not logically lead me to a dead-end path.

I have no qualms with living up to my convictions and staying a nameless, inactive bystander, so why am I now running towards a burning village? When I saw the dark cloud of ash and smoke clawing towards the orange sky, when I heard the distant screams and shouts and the sound of metal hitting metal - why did I not turn and take off, back to city I had visited?

The familiar cries assaulted my ears as I neared, clouds of dust and soot forcing me to narrow my eyes as I reached the edge of the village. A burst of malicious laughter pierced through the noise, easily ignored as I pressed my back against the cool stone hut behind me. The small item in my pocket uncomfortably pressed against the wall, gently digging into my thigh.

Hebe, Hebe, Hebe...where's Hebe?

My heart unceasingly beat against my chest, my fingertips seemingly burning as hot blood ran through them. Did she run? There were naturally some survivors after Ikthar raids, and the ones who run first are usually the least likely to die. It would be smartest to run, but...the shitty boy with broken legs was still recovering, and Hebe was a fool!