Show Yourself (An Elsa Fanfiction)

Chapter Fourteen: Practice

"Okay. Take a deep breath. Remember, the darkness will always be there, but the key is not to acknowledge it."

"It's easy for you to say. You make pretty ice crystals with your powers, not bloodthirsty wolves." Alice said despairingly. It was the next morning, a Saturday, and as her mother had gone out to visit friends, Alice and Elsa were hard at work.

"And yet I almost killed my sister and plunged Arendelle into the depths of winter in the middle of summer." Elsa replied, cocking an eyebrow. "Come on." She gestured at the paper in front of Alice. "Just try."

Alice gave Elsa a reproachful look - not too dissimilar to the one Elsa had given the priest at her coronation after he had asked her to remove her gloves - and picked up the pen. 

As before, the story flowed from her in magical golden patterns. This time, Elsa could hear the characters; a boy and a girl, declaring undying love for each other. They met in a kiss, and it was sweet and sincere. Elsa said nothing, not wanting to disturb Alice. 

Gradually though, the magic turned black and the couple began to argue passionately, screaming at each other. The man walked away, and the woman was left crying. The image faded away as Alice put down her pen. 

"Try again." Elsa said firmly. 

"It won't make any diff -"

"Doesn't matter. Try again." Elsa reiterated. 

Alice sighed.

"You can do this." Elsa reminded her gently. "It's who you are. You need to feel it, deep down inside of you." 

She saw Alice bit her lip before she started writing again. 

This time, the image was not of people or wolves, but a horse; a white thoroughbred that was trotting down a lifeless-yet-beautiful beach, the waves of the open ocean crashing in the background. Everything about the scene, from the wind blowing in the animal's mane to the rocks on the shoreline, reminded Elsa of the nokk prancing in The Dark Sea. 

Suddenly, the horse picked up its speed; first a canter, then a gallop. It was charging down the beach now, and Elsa could hear its breath just as well as she could see it, the ragged snorts filling the cold air with white clouds. The horse was untethered. It had gone wild. It was free. And while the sight of the bolting horse filled her with the same steadfast joy she got from riding on the nokk, there was also an element of terror as it broke free of the golden bubble and ran around the room; if it were a real horse; it would have trampled her. It was power and anger, all rolled into one.

Eventually, the image faded away, but gradually this time, and without turning to black. Alice twisted in her seat to look at Elsa and grinned. 

"There you go. I knew you could do it." The Fifth Spirit said proudly. 

Alice ran over to Elsa and hugged her tightly. "Thank you for believing in me even when I didn't."

Elsa was  taken aback by the sudden display of emotion, but she didn't let it show as she hugged Alice back. Besides, the girl gave good warm hugs that made Elsa feel loved - and living with Olaf, she considered herself a connoisseur of them. 

"It's okay." said Elsa as she let Alice go. "But I have to know... where did this hopelessness come from? Your life... it's not like mine was.  I wasn't lying about my parents - they really did keep me locked away. Just recently, I found out my powers were a gift, but for so long, they were a curse. I can't let the same thing happen to you."

Alice's expression turned wistful. "I... feel things, Elsa. Things seem so loud, or so bright, or just generally overwhelming. The world terrifies me. You were kept prisoner by your parents, but I feel safe in my room. The world out there... it's too much. One day, maybe soon, you'll see why I'm afraid, maybe you'll even understand when you do. But for now... I have to keep things under control. Don't you see? It's the only way I can keep ahold of everything."

Elsa felt her heart break. She knew that feeling so well that hearing it come from the lips of another was physically painful. She wanted to know more, mainly so that she could understand the root of Alice's worry and assuage her fear, but she also knew there was no point pushing the girl to talk, not until she was ready. 

"I do see." Elsa said as she squeezed Alice's hand. "And I also want you to know that you can talk to me any time, about anything."

Alice smiled. "Thanks, Angel Elsa. Now, I think we need to get back to training. We've only got two days to go until my date with the shrink, and if you don't mind, I'd like to give coming across as a totally normal boring human being my best shot."