butterflies || lunch club x reader [ DISCONTINUED ]

eight

Come Friday night, I can't be bothered with my outfit. I'm dressing as lazy as I would if I was just hanging around the dorm. It'll just be me and the guys, and they're all chill. So no makeup and just a hoodie, skinny jeans, and vans. 

I'm done way earlier than usual because of this, leaving me to sit around for half an hour from 6:00. Remembering I now have friends I can text when bored, I hit up Cooper.

Wassup my dude

Cooper
Nothin, you coming over tonight?

Yep, Ted should be here in like thirty

Cooper
Cool, can't wait to see you, just afraid Schlatt is gonna get me started again

Yeah me too idk what to do about him, I'm sorry he upsets you

Cooper
It's cool. Anyway, how was last night?

Oh with Ted? Good, food was nice, we just talked for a while and watched a movie at his place

Cooper
Nice, I'm glad you enjoyed it, you think you and Ted are gonna be serious?

That's a question I haven't even considered myself. I'm just having fun, not worrying about what Ted and I are. But the question really makes me think. Can Ted and I be a thing? Am I ready for that? What about Schlatt?

It all makes my head hurt.

Not sure, why?

Cooper
Just curious if you had anything in mind yet. It is pretty early so don't stress

Yeah true

Cooper
Well I'll see you soon

Okay

And only ten minutes have gone by. There's one other person to text. I'm just not sure if I should, though. I'll have to see him in a bit anyway, but I'm all too nervous about it.

My mind flashes back to the texts between Schlatt and I last night. How he said he wanted a piece of me, in what way I'm not sure. How sure he seemed of wanting me. But he was definitely drunk. And he's only ever made serious moves like that when drunk, so is it all just because of the alcohol? That's the only thing that seems to make Schlatt want me, and it's extremely confusing.

Of course, part of me hates Cooper being so protective when I clearly don't need it. When I think about it like this, though.. maybe I do need it. Maybe Schlatt doesn't have good intentions at all, but I can't stand to have that thought. And by the time I'm done analyzing and reanalyzing small, stupid details, it's 6:30, and I'm rushing outside.

When we finally arrive at the apartment, I feel ready to explode with anxiety. I haven't seen anyone but Ted yet, and I'm already stressed. How do I get myself so worked up? It'll probably be an uneventful, chill night with a group of friends.

But it won't.

The thoughts pick at the back of my mind, warning me.

It won't be chill or calm. Just me being there makes the entire group cave in. Schlatt will take it too far. Then, Cooper will freak out on him. And the domino effect will take over, slowly turning everything sour. All because of me.

"Hey. Y/n," Ted says sternly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I sigh with every bit of tension building up inside of me. "I'm fine."

"No you're not." I watch his face, seeing his features soften. A hand reaches out to me and lands heavily on my thigh. "You're not okay. What's on your mind? I might not be able to fix it, but I can listen and try my best."

And I lose it.

Tears flow and flow and won't stop, pouring out of my eyes. I feel my throat close up so that I can't even speak. My hand finds Ted's on my thigh, squeezing like I'll fall off a cliff if I let go. I hardly feel him squeeze back through the loudness rushing through my head. My brain is ready to explode and won't stop beating against my skull. I can't breathe.

"Y/n! Hey, breathe, it's okay. You'll be okay."

It really feels like I won't, but I have to hang on to Ted's voice. It's all I have. Tears are blurring my vision, soaking my entire face and dripping down my neck. My hand hurts, but I can't let go. This is the only thing tying me down to reality.

It feels like centuries of just trying to breathe, trying to get any oxygen at all. Eventually, it's finally over. I can breathe, feel my lungs expand and deflate shakily. I can actually open my eyes and see, but I wish I couldn't. Ted's staring at me through his glasses, eyes piercing into me with concern and hurt. I don't want to do that to anyone, especially not Ted.

"I- I'm okay," I croak through heavy breaths.

My hand's still harshly gripping Ted's, but his other finds my face, wiping away still dripping tears. "Are you sure you're alright? I can take you home if you want-"

"No, no," I interrupt, trying to get my vision to focus. "I'll be okay, I promise. Just, can we sit here a couple more minutes?"

"Sure, anything," Ted nods, worried eyes still staring into my glossy ones. "Take your time, breathe slow."

And I try so hard to just breathe slow and deep. I try to muster up my thoughts into words, into coherent language to express how I feel. I need to get all of this shit out of my head, and Ted's right here to listen to me. It's difficult, but I finally let some of the thoughts string out of my mouth.

"I'm gonna mess things up, Ted." His features contort to disbelief and confusion, but I keep rambling, "Every time I'm around your group of friends, things spiral out of control. Schlatt always says stuff to me that makes Cooper fly off the handle, and then the entire group will get uncomfortable. Like, I don't even have to do or say anything. Just my fucking existence ruins everything. And Schlatt said it isn't my fault, but goddamn, why else would stuff like that happen if it wasn't for me?"

Ted's stunned. I'm stunned, sucking in breath. I didn't mean to spill all of that onto him at once, but it just wouldn't stop.

"Well," he huffs, looking thoughtful. "Things do get out of control in the group sometimes, but that's not your fault. Schlatt was right about that. Honestly, it's kind of his fault. It's partially his for crossing the line and partially Cooper's for not letting go of it after it's said and done."

"I mean, I guess," I try to convince myself, "but if I wasn't there at all, then none of it would happen anyway, right? It's always about me."

Ted sounds deflated as he sucks in more air to keep trying. "Yeah, it's about you, but you're not the one to blame. I think you should just privately let both of them know to cut the shit because it's making you upset, which you don't deserve."

Rubbing my eyes to try and rub away the problems, I answer in a sigh, "Okay. Maybe I'll try that."

"And hey, if you don't want to do it but want them to know, I'll tell them."

"That's alright," I actually smile, "but thanks. A lot."

"No problem," Ted smiles back, and it seems so real and full of relief. "Ready to go inside?"

I nod and genuinely mean it.