butterflies || lunch club x reader [ DISCONTINUED ]

twelve

sorry it's late lovlies <3

Once again, Cooper leads me down the hall and into his bedroom. The worries surface again. It has to be something bad. Something that he wanted to say before that the weed is letting him get out this time.

I feel my fingers twist together anxiously. Cooper shuts the door behind him, then slumping back against it calmly. I'm anything but, squeezing my own hands so hard it hurts.

"So," he breathes with a dopey smile. "What's up?"

This awkward half-laugh, half-sigh leaves my mouth. What's up? That's all he wants to say? I can definitely stop stressing if this is where his head is now. "Nothing," I decide, trying to stay calm. "Is there anything you pulled me in here for in particular?"

"Well," Cooper sighs back. His smile falters slightly, as if he's trying to think seriously. "I'm not sure."

I genuinely giggle. "You're not sure? Is your head that foggy?"

"Yeah," Cooper replies, "but it's not because of the edibles."

"Oh..?" I say with a raised eyebrow. Something's on his mind, and I'm hoping it's not my fault. All of this big situation with all of these new people in my life is probably affecting Cooper, too. I just didn't think about it until now.

"Yeah," he nods. "Ever since Sunday night."

Sunday night.. that's the night we met again. I feel my body tense up. It has to be me that's on his mind, and it makes me feel horrible. "I'm sorry," I say instinctively.

"No, don't be," Cooper scoffs loosely. "It's not your fault. I've just been thinking about, y'know, us a lot."

I can only nod back. He's thinking about us? Like, as an item? When we were stupid high school kids?   "Mind if I ask why?" I try softly.

"I mean, how could I not?" he shrugs.   I watch Cooper's eyes fall closed as he thinks out loud, "Every time I see you, I think about being a senior in high school again. Majority of that time in my life was the absolute best. It was just you and me running around, being stupid. Now, you're all mature and off in college. And you're still running around and being stupid, but it's not with me. It's with two of my new friends who were supposed to be in a completely separate chapter of my life."

I feel like I'm choking on air trying to swallow all of that information.   Then, it hits me.   "Wait, two? What do you mean?"  Cooper's right, but how would he know that? As far as everyone knows, it's me and Ted. That's it. Now, my heart's going faster than it ever has. If he really does know, what does he think of me?

As soon as Cooper's eyes pop open, they roll to the back of his head. "At that party, when you and Schlatt were all alone forever, I saw how nervous you were when we got back. Of course that doesn't mean anything, you're always nervous, but I connected the dots a couple minutes ago."

"Wh- What do you mean?" I stutter out for a second time. This feels so unreal.

"In the kitchen," Cooper answers as flatly as Schlatt. "Schlatt's tall. He has to bend down pretty far, so I saw him around the corner."

Oh. My. God.

"You what?" I shriek, only realizing after it's too late. "Cooper-"

"No, don't worry," he interrupts me. "I don't care. You and Ted aren't serious anyway, it's all cool."

My head feels like it's going to explode. Thoughts are rushing in a huge swirl, and I want to barf my guts up. "If you could see us in the kitchen, do you think someone else could?"

"Maybe. I don't think anyone else was paying attention."

"Oh God," I breathe shakily. I have to let my head fall into my hands, and I can't breathe. I'm so ashamed of myself. And there's not even a good reason why. It just seems like Schlatt is my little secret, and for anyone to find out or be able to tell Ted.. that's the end of my world right now.

All I see is darkness in the palms of my hands, but the emotions are blinding. Hot tears come to the back of my eyes. Will I ever stop crying over boys? It's been, like, three times tonight.

And then, that hotness takes over my whole body. But it's not me. It's body warmth, surrounding me and holding me there.

Which just makes me sob more.

"Listen," I hear Cooper say quietly, right next to my ear. "I'm sorry for bringing it up."

I don't say anything, just standing still like a statue. I can't move my hands away from my face, and I especially can't bear to look up.

Cooper goes on, still holding me, "I'm so high. And it's just making me miss you more than I normally do."

Miss me? Normally?! Cooper misses me? How? That sounds like the biggest lie I've ever heard. But why would he make that up?

I still can't speak, but I settle for returning Cooper's embrace, my head on his shoulder.

"Thank you," he breathes into my own shoulder. "I needed that."

I need to spill some of my rushing thoughts, but I don't know which ones. So I open my lips to speak, and it's like they never close. "I needed it, too. I love your hugs. They're one of the little things I didn't realize were so special about you until it was all gone. Something I didn't think I'd miss, but fuck, Cooper, I miss this so bad. I miss being the lame girl you brought everywhere with you because I wouldn't smoke. I miss watching you do cool shit on your skateboard that I would never be able to. I miss skipping class to hang out in that back hallway with you. I miss when I was a teenager, and you were my world."

It's silent. I feel Cooper hug me tighter, and I can't help but continue crying into him. This is the Cooper, the stereotypical California boy that put me and my teenage angst before anything else in his life. My first love. And my only, I had thought.

"God, Y/n," he breathes back, muffled against my shoulder. I hear him swallow before gushing back, "I miss all of that, too. I miss wanting to be a better person for you. I miss wanting to follow you off to college instead of hanging around and getting high. I miss you and everything you are and how you make me feel. When you just fucking appeared back into my life like that, I thought it was a dream, and then it was a nightmare because it wasn't in the way I wanted."

"Coopie, stop," I sob back. Maybe this is a dream. A sick, twisted dream that I'll wake up from in the cozy bedroom of my mom's house, and I'll have to get ready for another day as a high school student. If only.

"So where do we go from here?" Cooper sniffles back, still holding me tight. "Because you're seeing Ted, and you've got something with Schlatt."

"I have no idea," I answer honestly. "All three of you mean something to me in different ways."

I feel Cooper lean up off of my shoulder, and I do the same.  Our eyes meet, probably equally as glossy.  The memories hurt, but it feels like everything I've ever wanted at the same time to just stare into him like this.  I know him better than I've known anyone.  Which has a good and bad side to it.

"Well," Cooper begins.  "I don't want to add to you already having two guys to worry about.  It seems hard enough on you."

"And I appreciate that, honestly, but you don't have to.  We can experiment with this if you want.  Run around and be stupid again," I explain more hopefully than intended.

"You really want to?"  He perks up like a dog being told it's about to go on a walk.

"Yes," I nod, feeling a smile break through my tear-stained face.  "There's no reason not to try this again, Coopie."

Then, his smile breaks through.  So sideways and familiar.  It feels like home.  "You're the only person that can call me that and it make me happy, Y/n."

"Good," I breathe in response.  "Because that's my favorite thing to call you, Coopie."