The Heart's Eye

The Read

Dr. Klein's entire premise for training me instead of killing me is wrong. I have never been a dancer. I have no recollection of dancing at any point of my life, discounting the occasional pirouette from a bar stool to regain my balance as I am about to leave the bar. I have also never been in love. My share of occasional ships in the night have been so random and inconsequential, that I would probably have a difficult time remembering any specific one.

This means, she must have been expecting someone else, and I showed up instead. I should not be complaining, without this confusion I would probably have been dead the very first night. However, it does bring the question what would happen when I have to deliver for her.

Meanwhile, my training has started. It is based on a simple concept: Nature intended us to be honest. Live, feel, express, and, in turn, know what others around us are feeling and expressing. Be part of a genuine, transparent world.

But the adult human mind opposes that. It sees honesty as a weakness and duplicity as an advantage. Hence, it urges us to obscure and conceal.

Except that it fails. Dr. Klein's research has shown that it is impossible to consciously hide emotions. 650 muscles in the human body, all of which, simultaneously, and in agreement with each other, express the way we truly feel. One may be able to control some of these muscles consciously, but the rest, or the lack of natural synchrony with the whole, will still tell the truth to an experienced observer.

Try to smile when you are sad. Your lips may twist into an imitation of a smile, but the rest of your body will still express your sadness.

I have been provided videos of babies and toddlers, lessons of anatomy, physiology, muscle movement, gestures, grimaces, and posture. Each case study contains a detailed explanation of how the underlying emotion is expressed by the entire body.

Dr. Klein stops by a few times a day to gauge my progress. Her makeup is back, although not to the extent to which she had it the day I met her. She has told me she is using a face primer, followed by a foundation, followed by a concealer, the latter very aptly named. This is her rudimentary layer of protection from what I am learning, although why she is hiding her emotions while still teaching me how to recognize them is still a mystery.

So far it has been effective. I watch her for the tell-tale signs of emotions I have already studied, but I still fail to detect them. Dr. Klein has assured me, however, that it is only a matter of time for me to get that first read. "You'll have to work harder for it."

Meanwhile, I continue to analyze my willingness to go along with her agenda. Am I letting her train me by my own free will? Did she tap into and exploit my natural curiosity for exploring the psyche? Or did she operate on me? Am I under her spell without knowing it? Or, is my compliance somehow driven at a more primitive, instinctual layer, by my undeniable physical attraction to her?

I know I cannot trust her, but I still look for signs of a reciprocal attraction. I watch her movement, smooth, graceful, feminine. I am aware of the position of her body, the flexing of her muscles. I try to read her as an exercise, but in reality, I am really trying to find out the reason for her spending that first night with me.

I find myself referring to her as both Mrs. Nakamura and Dr. Klein, separating the roles she plays in my current predicament. Mrs. Nakamura is the quiet, graceful hostess whose house I live in, whom I have to trust with my meals, and to whom I harbor an undeniable attraction. Dr. Klein is the expert who trained enemy agents who then used that knowledge to operate on me.

It is fascinating to watch the Jekyll and Hyde transformation. She comes home from work, dressed professionally, exuding confidence and strength. There is a certain austerity to her look, a focus, a determination. She walks over to her room, emerging half an hour later in a comfortable kimono, softer, quieter, nonthreatening. My conversations with Dr. Klein are about the material I am studying. Mrs. Nakamura carries out polite small talk about the island, its culture, its beautiful Springs and frightening thunderstorms.