Untouchable (boyxboy)

Chapter 14

That night I went to bed long before Isaac and the others returned from the show. Later, I awoke in the dark to the sensation of being watched. A figure sat beside me on the bed, and at first I thought it was Isaac, but then the light flicked on and I realized my mistake.

"What the fuck, Dylan?" I mumble, still half asleep. "What do you want now?"

"I heard you before, you know," he says quietly, "what you almost told Isaac."

My heartbeat quickens and I'm instantly awake.

I try to sit up but he puts a hand on my chest and pushes me back, though not roughly.

"Hey, relax. I'm not angry. In fact...I'm here to apologize."

I stare up at him, heart still racing. Dylan has never apologized to me for anything, never even acknowledged that he's hurt me or caused me pain. That he'd do so now, in the middle of the night, when he's got so much riding on keeping our secret buried deep, is difficult for me to believe.

His eyes travel my face and focus on the base of my throat, where I can feel my pulse beating hard.

"Shit. I've really fucked you up, haven't I?"

He lifts his hand from my chest and stands, turning away from me and going to the window. I sit up, fear gradually fading, and frown at his back.

"What's this about, Dylan?" I ask. "What happened to 'stay away from Isaac or I'll kick your ass?'"

He laughs. "That was before I knew he was even more of a freak than you are."

That sounds more like the Dylan I know, but when he turns back to face me his expression is uncharacteristically reflective.

"I know I've been kind of a jerk to you, but I was hoping we could start fresh—put our differences behind us," he says.

I stare at him. "Kind of a jerk?" I repeat, incredulous. "Dylan, I used to be afraid to come home after school because I knew you would be there and it wasn't safe until Dad got off work. You found a way to ruin every good thing for me. You made me feel ashamed of who and what I was. You were more than kind of a jerk."

My voice comes out as an angry hiss, but if it wasn't the middle of the night in someone else's house I'd be screaming.

Rather than argue, to my astonishment, Dylan nods. "I know. And I know 'sorry' doesn't cut it. I was seeing someone in LA—a therapist—and I thought I was making progress. When I came back, though, I fell right into my old pattern. But I swear I want to be better. I want to make things right."

I shake my head. "Even if you're telling the truth, it's not that simple. I can't just...forgive you and move on. You made life hell for me for so long, even after you left it was like part of you was still there. For years, I was too scared to come out to Dad because I was terrified that he'd be like you—that he'd look at me and see a disgusting freak instead of his son. You know how I finally came out to him?"

He shakes his head, frowning.

"One Mother's Day we were bringing fresh flowers to Mom's grave. We were standing there, and he looked over at me and he said, 'Felix, when you find someone to love, make sure that he knows it. Tell him you love him every chance you get, because you never know if that chance might be the last one you have.' At first I thought I'd heard him wrong, but he made sure I understood. He said he'd been waiting for me to tell him I was gay for years, and then he'd read an article about kids being afraid to come out, and thought maybe I was scared, so he took it on himself to let me know it was okay."

I feel tears slip down my face and wipe them away. I haven't told anyone this story—certainly not Dylan. It's private and precious to me, and I don't know why I'm giving it away now except that this situation is so bizarre, it feels like a dream.