But I love him

So what now?

I drive home. It was silent. No music. I was in shock. I didn't know what happened. When I got home, I saw that I left all the lights on. Micheal would have been mad. But he isn't. Not today or tomorrow. Or any day. I looked in the fridge. I saw our ice cream that we had last night. When he proposed. Tears ran down my cheeks. "Why?" I asked. Why did he have to go? Now? I need him. I looked at the clock 10pm. I closed the fridge and sinked down to the ground and holding myself. Crying. Hours i layed there crying.
The next morning I woke up in the cold ground next to the fridge. I got up and stretched. I looked outside it was a sunny day with out a cloud in the sky. It's a perfect day to go for a walk! "Micheal! Hey want to go for a wa....." I yelled. Then I remembered he's dead. More tears filled my eyes. I walked over to my couch. And layed down. I turn on the tv. It was on big brother. I smiled. This was our show. I grabbed the pillow and hold it tight. It was Tuesday. I have to go to school. I've been missing the past 3 weeks because I wanted to spend time with Micheal. I guess I don't have to do that. I walked up the stairs and got dressed. Crying. As usual. He would always tell me how beautiful I was. Everyday. But not today. I wore sweat pants with one of his t-shirts. I smelled the shirt. It smelled like him. I got my uggs on and grabbed every thing. I went in my car. And pulled the keys. When I started to back up. I notice the ring on my finger. What now? I'm still married to him. I looked at it and broke down. I can't live with out him. I got my self together. And drove off. The music played very quitly. I got to school. And parked pretty far from the door. "Let's get this over with." I got out of my car and went inside. My class was in room 14 upstairs. I saw a bunch of kids walking in to class. I walked in behind them. Everyone took there seats. There weren't a lot of seats left. There was on with a girl with blonde hair and face full on make up. And a seat next to a guy with messy brown/blonde hair. And blue eyes. I sat by him. When I sat down I got my note book. And I opened it to the first page. It was when Micheal drew me. Tears started to go in my eyes. I can't cry here. But then I see in the right corner of the page it said, "from Micheal I love you dear I will always be here." I started crying. Balling. That's a lie! I put my head on the desk and put my arms around my head. Someone tapped on my shoulder. "Hey. Are you okay?" Someone with a guy's voice said. I looked up. It was that kid I sat next to. I shock my head yes. He looked at me with worry and said. "Well, I'm sorry for what ever that is making you feel this way. But hey my name is Jon."