So Where Does that Put Us (boy x boy)

Chapter Fifteen - Ben

I finally convinced Justin to come over the day before Christmas break ended. He woke up in the middle of the night, thrashing around so much he fell of my couch. It was the hyperventilating that woke me up, as well as the sound he made. I don't think I could ever describe it, a sort of moan mixed with a cry.

When I tried to comfort him, he ran out of my room, mumbling something to himself about knowing it was a stupid idea. He left me kneeling on the floor, staring at the spot where he used to lay, utterly broken.

I sat in that spot for hours, watching the light slowly seep in through my window until finally, I heard my parents stirring. So I decided to get dressed for school for lack of anything else to do, Justin probably wouldn't want to talk to me. Now I finally stand at the top of the stairs, hearing muffled voices. But I'm that moment, sitting there, holding back the tears I've been crying every night since...about a year ago, I made up my mind.

I have to fix him.

I don't know why I have to, but I do. Maybe because no one else will. No one cares about that quiet kid in the back of the classroom. No one cares about the guy sitting alone. And no one sees how much hurt even the little things can pile onto someone. How easily someone like Justin can break. But I can't let that happen. I can't let him fade away into nothingness.

And even if it kills me trying to, I will solve the enigma of Justin Ivanov.

I move down the stairs, seeing him. Justin and my mom sit sipping coffee, talking in riddles or something.

"How's your dad holding up?" my mom's voice echoes from the kitchen.

"He's okay," Justin responds as I finish walking down the stairs.

"And how are you holding up?"

"I'm okay."

I see Justin curled up in one of the two recliners in the space housing both the living room and dining room. My mom sits in the other one, sipping a cup of coffee thoughtfully. Neither notice me.

I watch my mom stand, chugging the last bit of her coffee. "I know it's not the best circumstances, but I want you to know that I'm always here for you, Scott and I. Ben too. I can't say I agree with your choices or even your mom's, but it's your life and we all love you, you're like the son I never had."

Justin snorts. "You have no idea how much that means to me, but I think your actual son just heard that," his eyes flicker up to mine, making my heart melt. That tiny bit of light in those stormy irises, that tiny bit of hope, that's why. That's why I have to fix him.

Because even if I fail and lose everything, I'll never, ever, let anyone take that light away from him.

My mom turns around, "Good morning," she points to a mug on the row of cabinets behind the recliners, "Justin made you coffee. Guess he's an early riser."

That's one way to put it.

I grab the mug and grin at Justin who fidgets with his black shirt, blinking at me nervously. I watch my mom disappears around the corner and into the kitchen, leaving me with Justin. "What were you and my mom talking about?" I set my coffee down and fold my arms, stifling a yawn. I didn't get much sleep last night.

"Nothing. Apparently, she was talking to my mom..." he sniffs, wiping his eyes.

He seems to be waiting for something. "About last night," I finally decide that's what he's waiting for, "are you gonna explain?"

He shakes his head.

"Come on, dude, you have to give me something."

Justin sets down his coffee, blinking at the white carpet before stepping closer to me. His head bangs against my chest, his arms hang limp at his sides for a minute before he seems to remember that hugs require arms. I pull him close, hearing yet another sniff. I run a hand down his spine, feeling every single bone that juts out from his pale skin. He sniffs again, squeezing me tightly. "It's okay, dude," my heart pounds in my ears, every fiber of my being jumps with excitement that he hugged me, "I'm always here for you."