Reflection (Kim Namjoon x Reader)

Chapter 17

You were quite concerned when Yoongi's empty car was in front of the house so early in the morning. And after hearing Joon's explanation for why it was here didn't make you feel any better. In fact, your stomach churned at the thought of why Yoongi would be kind enough to lend Joon his car knowing that he was a victim of a car crash. "He told me that if I crash the car, he would hurt my bonsai tree," Joon chuckled shyly.

"Ah, I see," you laughed. "That's a pretty good reason to not crash then."

"And also I don't want you to get hurt, that's the last thing I ever want to do," he muttered softly by your side, his shoulders brushed yours, sending electricity wild in your blood. "Being in prison would mean being away from you, and I don't think I can handle that." Your face burned up and you looked away, but it wasn't long until you had to look at him again, to make sure that this was real. It was. He had asked you out on a date and had asked to borrow Yoongi's car to take you on said date. The sun made his hair glow in somber chocolate, Taehyung's white tee etched his chest, making him look like a statue. This shouldn't be real but it is, and it's yours for just a moment right now.

Joon did his research, he knew exactly the path, where to turn, where to park. After some time, you two were in another town and he was opening the door for you to a cafe. Going to cafes on dates was something you saw in the movies but never thought you could afford the act yourself. You never had the time and up until a few months ago, there weren't any eligible bachelor in your town. Now, he appeared like a prince in front of you, pulling your chair out and shyly laughed at himself out of nervousness and embarrassment.

This town isn't any bigger than your own, but their small businesses were starting to bloom. The interior of the cafe wasn't the usual fluff and rainbows that you saw in Kdrama. The color palette was much more modest, green to reflect the natural fauna and blue to emphasize the limitless sky. Joon ordered an americano. "I don't know why but I feel like I'm not a fan of sweet things," he said.

"Have you remembered anything?"

He shook his head, "Nothing major. But when I see something, I get fragments of interacting with something similar."

"Like what?"

"I like the color blue, I realized that the first day I went outside. I don't like eating crabs, they're too cute. I like the smell of cooked rice, it reminds me of my childhood. Even though I can't fully see the picture, I get a warm feeling whenever I smell halmeoni's rice. Sorry, that sounds weird."

"No," you interjected. "Keep going."

His smile grew, "Okay. Um, when I read books, there's an urge in me to write. To mimic the style of these authors and to give it my own twist. I think I wanted to be a writer when I was younger and somehow, as I grew older, that passion was lost."

"What makes you think that?"

"I don't know. My heart tells me that. I have tried picking up a pen, and when I write now, there's only one thing that comes to mind."

"What is it?"

"You." He bit his lips, watching you gulp down your latte to cool yourself down. "Oh, I have something for you." He dug a pouch out of his pocket and laid it on the table. "Halmeoni taught me how to sew a fortune pouch. It's not the greatest needlework."

It wasn't. The stitching wasn't neat and straight as a master's work. Threads flung themselves in all sorts of directions. Your eyes grew at the pink carnations embroidered on the corner. It was the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. You picked up the pouch, feeling the carnations under your fingertip, how satisfying it felt to touch and also to feel the amount of hard work he had put into it. Joon panicked a little when he saw drops of tears on the table.

"I love it," you whispered.

He sighed out of relief, "For cleaning up my face. And agreeing to this date."

I hope you won't forget about me, you prayed.

Never, he answered upon seeing the way your eyes wavered at the pink petals. Looking at your features, and putting together all the pieces he has uncovered about your life so far, he wondered how the world could have overlooked such a remarkable person. Then he thought to himself if it weren't for that accident, would he have discovered the remarkable person that is you? What would have happened if he had just kept going, if he finally reached where he was going, would it have been worth it if he didn't get to meet you? Doubtful, he thought.

After finishing up conversations and your drinks, Joon took you down the street to a used book store. Sunlights were prohibited from entering the corners of the store with precious books. The owner, an older gentleman head deep in his current reads, gave you two a nod as you entered the store. Columns of books rose up from the ground like trees. Ironic, you thought to yourself.

Joon ushered you to the more covered corner. If it had been high school, you would have thought he was trying to pull a move on you. Instead, he was absorbed in all the collections that your town's library didn't offer. His eyes grew and so did his reactions. You couldn't help but laugh with every "ooh" and "ahh". It felt like he had completely forgotten about your presence but after some seconds, his hand found yours and they didn't let it go. You beamed to yourself, attempting to distract your heart by finding a book with your free hand.

Your finger stumbled upon one with blue cover, Reflection. As the title suggests, it was a collection of short essays revolved around the growth the author went through in his journey to love himself. Reading between the lines, you could tell that the writer felt lost at the time, unable to move, unable to feel love for himself because he doesn't feel that he's worth it. You closed the book and looked at the back cover to see who the author is, maybe you've heard of him.

Your heart stopped. The dimples matched, the chocolate hair fell the same way, his smile was ingrained in your brain, his eyes held the ocean. Kim Namjoon.

Your hand fell from his. "Y/N? What's wrong?" he asked. You put the book down, hiding it to the best of your ability and it worked because he kept his eyes to yours the whole time. They held the ocean.

"Nothing," you answered. Since when were you able to lie this easily, you asked yourself. Let me be selfish for just a moment, you answered.

He nodded, taking your hand once more. "I know this situation is confusing, but my heart knows that it only wants you. Will you be my girlfriend?"

You waited for this day, even in your dreams. And in your dreams, you would tell him yes. But in reality, you couldn't. "I'll give you an answer tomorrow. Please wait for me."

He was disappointed, but tomorrow wasn't that long from now and he'll make sure his heart survives until then. "Okay," he replied, leaning down to kiss your cheeks. It was a small gesture that he hopes will turn into more by tomorrow. And you were afraid it would be the last. Tomorrow could change everything.