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"Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."
—Forrest Gump, 1994
"Fuck."
Goo Chul's stomach had grumbled loudly within the lonely night and the migraine paired with it wasn't quite the 'it' combination either. The stars were painted amongst the horizon as faded city lights of faraway buildings were shining with them. The stars were never alone, although they weren't as major as the moon nor the sun, they were never alone and shone brightly all together.
You know you're lonely when you've been left alone and you start to take notice of these things. It's something Chul had been feeling ever since she was left in the orphanage. Abandoned, forgotten, and unloved. No family had adopted her with her frail figure and dull eyes. So the nun had adopted her, although she never paid attention to her either, only giving her attention when she lectures her about God and who he was.
Why adopt something when you give no care nor love towards it? What was the purpose? She remembers asking the nun for she was neglected for the second time of her time being from Earth.
She remembers being scolded that this God loved her all the time, that he cared towards her ever since she was a little egg cell. Chul remembered being confused, if there was even this God, then why were people suffering? Why were people dying from sadness? If he was powerful enough to create us, then why isn't he powerful enough to make the world a better place and remove all evil. It was all ridiculous.
Education was no different either, kids were foolish and curious, teachers think they know it all, the education system was absurd and the only good people from the school were the janitors and cafeteria ladies. They would complain and tell her the funniest of stories! She loved spending her recess and lunchtime with such sweet geezers. But as time moved without any stop, she was dropped out of school during seventh grade for the nun had died from a stroke, they say. Goo Chul knew that wasn't true, she knew because she was the one that suffocated her while she was asleep and it was nothing near a stroke.
The nun did her no good and neither did she do any good to the world for all she did was whisper a few words and hope the world was in a better place. Useless, she spat bitterly when the nun took her last unfortunate breath.
Kids and friends sounded preposterous too! The fact that you tell each other your darkest secrets because you've known your acquaintances for a while sounds pathetic. We have a voice, we have a mind, we can hear our thoughts, why is there a need for these people? It also helps for it creates lesser drama.
Life felt meaningless until that very day. Goo Chul felt like she had a purpose like it was something liveable for. She ran away from the orphanage, not bearing to be able to withhold her environment around that ghastly place where kids only ate bland porridge and were forced to do laundry. Chul had found a forgotten book, just like her, in the middle of scavenging for food. She felt her fourteen herself engulfed between the pages of this book, 'The Artist's Way' it read with a rather vintage font. Chul remembered haven't touched a book for a year or two ago.
