All We Were

Loneliness

Diandra:

Pain. Sadness. Miss. She curled in a ball, digging her nails in her skin until she drew blood. Every night she went to sleep in the bed they shared the memories overwhelmed her until she wanted to scrub her skin, to make the physical pain so strong that the hurt in her mind and heart couldn't compare.

She missed him. Gods, how she missed him. His laugh, his voice, his presence. Everything he was.

The silence was getting to her more than anything. At night when she woke up and he wasn't there to ask her how she was, if she was okay... She needed his voice. His warmth, his smiles.

She even missed finding his slippers under the bed or his empty mug of coffee in the sink.

She was lonely, scared, lost and tired, because no matter how much she tried, sleep wasn't on her side, and when she managed to sleep nightmares woke her up. She cried until the morning light  brightened her room.

During the day she worked, read, cried some more and cooked whatever came to her mind, then brought the food to centers for homeless people.

Their room was no longer a sanctuary, it was a cemetery of memories and suffering.

She got out of bed, too wired up to sleep or read and went in the living room, curling up on the sofa with a mug of hot chocolate.

Since Kaden returned home from the hospital he didn't contact her.
She had no idea if he was okay, if he remembered, or if he was ignoring her.

From what his sister told her, he played video games most of the time or quizzed his family on who he was, what he liked and wanted from his future.

What did Mark say? That she should take it easy with him... she tapped the mug with her finger, lost in thoughts.

There was something she could do to help him. If she was honest, she didn't reach out either and that wasn't fair.

Picking up her phone she opened Whatsapp and typed:

"Hey Kaden, Diandra here. I know that it's late and I hope that if you're sleeping your phone will not wake you, but there is something that I can do to help you regain your memories. Hopefully.
It's a game we used to play together. I can come over tomorrow to help you set it up, if you want. Anyway, it's called forever and after." She sent the message and because she had nothing better to do, she cleaned the apartment, took their dog out for an hour in the park for a walk even if she knew that she shouldn't get out alone at night, she was losing her mind.

The crickets and silence did nothing to improve her mood.Her phone rang, making her blink. The name on the screen made her heart beat faster.

"Kaden? You're not sleeping? You okay?

"She could hear him laughing.

"Hey Diandra. No, I can't sleep. Hold on. You're outside?" She could picture his frown and the alertness in his stance.

"More or less? I took our... my dog out.""Then take our, your dog back in, Crazy person." She rolled her eyes at the frustration in his voice.

"I'm almost home, calm down. Anyway, why did you call?" Before he could answer, she added. "Not that i'm complaining, I missed you."She unlocked the door and slipped back in the apartment, then pressed the start button on the coffee machine.

"Ah, right. He sounded weird, but she decided to ignore that. "Do tell more about the game?"She smiled and added sugar to her coffee.

"Well, it's really nice. Basically, you log on, and you have a... control board on the screen. The game assigns you randomly the destiny of the character of another player.

""mm, was his answer, but she could sense his curiosity.Yeah. So there are events that you can assign to the character, and the other player assigns events to the character you create.
You can't kill them, but you can help the character win money, or you can make it so she breaks her leg... Stuff like this.

It's... interesting. something between Second Life but with more game like ideas, challenges, competitions and so on."

Suppressing a yawn she sipped from her coffee.

"That's how we met, right?"

She shivered. He remembered?

"Yeah. We started playing in the same day. We were newbies and we had no clue how the game worked. Our first characters were a mess, but we had fun. We started to talk through PM's a month after we joined the game. I reached out because I wanted to tell you how grateful I was that you were nice to my character. There were players who assigned only negative events to the others. Of course they ended up banned, but I played because the game was relaxing and fun. I was there to make friends, not to get my character fucked up by bored people."

"How old were we? When we joined?

She smiled. "16. Now we're 21... so we were by each other's side for...some time."

"aha. Thank you. For telling me." He yawned. "Let's play, tomorrow, okay? You don't need to help me set it up, just let's log on around... 3PM and have fun together."

"Anytime Kaden. Anytime. And sure, I'll be there. On the game, I mean."

"Perfect. but if you want to be awake enough to play with me and answer my questions, because you can be sure I will have questions, you should sleep. I will do the same."

She gripped the mug tighter. "I will try, but I can't promise anything." She already knew that she wasn't going to sleep, but she couldn't tell him that, because he'd ask why, and she guessed that telling him that she couldn't sleep without him would be weird.

He sighed. "Good enough. Well, I will see you. Sweet dreams, best friend dearest."

Sadness gripped her at the thought that he wasn't there to hold her, at the thought that she was just a friend, but she bit her lip hard to hold back the tears and answered."Sweet dreams, K."

AN:

Back with another chapter! I feel so bad for Diandra. Being a friend when you want to be with someone more than anything destroys you.

But hey, they're at least talking and they're close!