Twisted

Villy_$$Doomed$$

"Villy"
I sigh.I have been avoiding my mom like plague since last weekend.I guess I better listen to her- profoundly irritating goal oriented crap lecture rather than hiding like a damn fugitive in my room all day.

"Yes mom?" I inquire flatly. Although I'm completely aware of every accusation and taunt she's going to throw my way, I still question her just to annoy her.And seeing her overlydone eyebrows drawn in a deep frown - I know I've succeded.

" 'Yes mom?', Is that all you're going to say?" , she prods calmly.
OK. So,here's the thing ; my mother is not shouting at me which makes this situation more nerve-wracking than it already is. I can brush off her anger like a damn dandelion but I can't do the same to her disappointment without getting hurt. My heart drops a notch as an icey sensation grips my heart.
Not again;I'm too fragile to take more of it. She takes my silence as her cue to speak again.

"I told you to come have dinner with my guests saturday night.Didn't I?"
There-I knew she'll bring that up. I sigh again.

"But instead of making a graceful procession from your room to dining hall like a nice girl you tumble into the house through the front door in your damn sweatpants and tanktop mumbling crazy shit-why?- because you're drunk as if there's no tommorow!"-she yells in anger.
She sounds so angry that I can't stop but flinch at her tone.

"Mom I- "
"No Villy, you listen", she takes a deep breath to calm herself then resumes," You go pack your bags and your dad will come pick you at 8."

"Mom no- ",I start panicking but she cuts me off as if she doesn't even give two flying shits at all for me.

"Enough is enough, Villy. You made me feel ashamed infront of my collegues yet again and you don't care about anyone or anything in general. I'm just done collecting your trash for you. You.leave.now."

Wow, this woman is my mother.I mean I know I am not a golden kid or any crap like that but I really thought she wouldn't send me to my father. I guess I was wrong as I always am. I glare at her with all hate I can muster and say my last words to her.
"Goodbye.Mother"

I am not someone to speak a whole damn speech to tell someone how I feel. My last words to my mother were enough to pass the message to her that I'll never forgive her for this and I know she got the message.

My mother never said it straight to my face but I know she feels hate and resentment towards my mere existence. She was just fifteen when she had me. She is just 31 which explains her pleasant vocabulary but I don't mind because if I start minding it I'll go wacko in a week.

Sighing yet again,I enter my room and close the door softly. I am in no condition to even acknowledge how angry I am because of my soaring panic for what the night is about to bring- a dead silent carpool with my father.

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I stand in front of the mirror staring at the reflection of my hollow and swollen eyes.

I close my eyes and remind myself the last words my stepfather said to me:

"Vils-my child, this world is harsh and now that I am leaving soon I want to give you a peice of my survival secrets.
I never experienced parental love in orphanage. You still have your family;try to take what you deserve even if they don't try first. But never loose hope."

"Dad" ,I sniffled,"but you know they hate me...I was a mistake to them...I will be all alone despite of having a family when you leave."

"Kid, Survival is a must to find love. Even if you feel alone at times; never stop looking- for some of us love comes at a cost."

I cry harder holding his hand."D-Dad,
Timi is dead too, you're leaving me soon,...., w-wh-", I sniffle," what am I going to do??"

He looked at me with affection of a father and spoke his final words to me that night,"Never break my child. Stay strong and alive."

I open my eyes again and remind myself that I have deceieved my Dad by breaking like glass. All these months I just drunk and cried , back mouthed my mother-though I don't regret this one at all; and I made a mess of my life. I need to stop and focus. I need to look upon the shit I piled in my doomed life and flush it for good.

I need to be strong.

Father; here I come.

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"Villy! Your father is here."

I stare at his car from my window. I watch as he disappears from my line of sight while making his way towards the door.

I exit my room with my luggage and make my way down the stairs.

In the middle of my house stands my father. Eyes fixed on my every move, he watches me blankly. I reach downstairs still staring into his eyes and finally acknowledge him.

"Father."

He keeps staring for a couple of minutes and finally speaks-
"Villy, let's go."

My mother watches us leave the house from her doorway and as expected she doesn't make a single sound. She already told her goodbye to me, why bother, eh?

I step inside his car riding shotgun.
I know what this means; from now on my home is chicago. I no more live in detroit. My mother completely banished me from her life. I have no idea if she will even call on special ocassions or not; knowing her- probably not.

I stare staright ahead, still rigid due to the unavoidable tension in the car. I turn on the radio, no use-the songs are shit. I sigh for the nth time today- these five hours are going to be long, very long.

I mutter in exhaustion "Iamgoingto..
.....slwep."

"What?"

I glance at my father in irritation and speak forcily, "I.am.going.to sleep."

He nods blankly and resumes driving.

I close my eyes and let the sleep overtake me.