Twisted

Villy$$Lewd?$$

I stare at the grey walls of my room mindlessly as I wait for sleep to come. How long has it been since I last slept calmly? Perhaps 6 months? A bold "New York" banner on the wall catches my attention. I remember arguing with Timi about how illogical that banner was since we were in chicago but that kid was just pure crazy. He threatned to chuck my phone out of the window of my room if I didn't give in. I smile at the memory but quickly am consumed by guilt. I could have saved him; maybe......

I close my eyes harshly as I try to block the war in my head for which underwear I should wear. Dumb. I know. I sigh and finally decide to wear the black one. Dressing quickly in black sweatpants and sweatshirt and mindlessly tossing my hair in a ponytail I make my way to the breakfast table.
Her outfit:(minus the handbag, ofcourse)

I stroll towards the dining table with a guarded face. It would be understatement to say I am late as I better call it lunch now. My heart hammers inside my chest as I watch Catherine arrange the table for two. Great, just great; looks like my father isn't even here in case this woman decides that she has dealt with enough of my crap. I just groan subtly and walk to the table.

"It's not like I am dying to eat with you. Oh, I better say I am dying after I eat with you by the not-so-subtle looks you're giving to the food."

Oh, so she heard me groaning. Damn woman!

"Where were you last night?"

"Visiting the area...?"

She analyses me for a moment before returning to her obnoxious self. The rest of -her- lunch -my -breakfast passed quickly in silence.

I climb the stairs of gloom to my dark room, just like my soul. I laugh at my pathetic poet self. I am a difficult teen and have been this way for as long as I remember. Maybe I was happy too somewhere in my life. Yes I was, with Timi and Daniel -my stepdad. But I don't remember anyone else whom I've trusted enough to share my troubles. I have dated 4 boys so far, have had my fair share of pleasure at nights, gone on road trips before ; but I have never told anyone that I know my mother hates me, or how hard my life became when I got hooked to drugs or any shit that has gone down in my life. I realized all of this the moment I lost Timi; I couldn't decide whom I will cry with because none of my friends actually knew who Timi was?

I knew that deep down it was me who was lost not my friends. I never trusted people neither I do now; call it self preservation or whatever shit you want but I am so afraid of being judged that I don't share my real self with anyone. I have been judged so much by those close to me that I feel worthless often, but I will not let Daniel down. He was the only one besides Timi who ever gave a shit about the real me. And I will not fail him. I'll atleast try to be someone with a future that is exceptable. Although I'm not changing my obnoxious behaviour at all. Giving hope to anyone is not my bright future at all.

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I watch the clock strike 8. Dinner's coming and I don't want to go through the torture anytime soon. I step inside the bathroom and decide to shower to distract myself. See I'm really crazy if I take goddamn showers to keep me occupied. It's nearly september; so the temprature isn't any comforting for shorts. But me being me I pull up gray track shots and a plain grey t shirt with my -grey hoodie.
Her shorts: