My hands are shaking. From where i'm standing i can see the crowd laughing. i'm scared. this is my one chance to go on over. i focus my sight in a guy. A bold Caucasian with small teeth and a big belly, he is eating his popcorn with such ease i'm almost jealous, if it weren't disgusting to see. I move my sight to the woman next to him. Big puffy blonde hair. Blue eyes. That's rare. not many woman on the high class are allowed to have blue eyes. That's left only to us. Her lips are red. A distinguished red. Almost as the color of blood. The same color that their hands show off. I notice something move near me. I take a glance at the girl standing next to me. She's got bright wood hair, her deep blue eyes fixed on the scenery plastered in front of her. Her hands are shaking much more than mine. She's probably sweating. I see her pale pink lips shaking. I can feel her shaking. If i weren't in the same state i would offer some advice. Something nice to make her feel safe. But I've learnt that i cant do that. i cant make someone feel safe, not when i know this will determine the rest of our lives. She is whispering something, i cant quite tell what she says, its almost as if she were speaking to herself. She probably is. Maybe she is praying. Praying that if there is a god out there he will find compassion and help her. I know for a fact that there cant be a god, and if there were one, he ain't good. Might as well him be the devil. For a split second her head turns from the guy in the stage and she looks at me. Fear. if eyes could speak, those where the words these eyes would say. She expected me to help her, as if i weren't on the same position as her. For a moment i saw my little sister in her, when she gets to this moment in her life, i would want her to have someone to comfort her. I would want someone to held her hand. So that's what i did. I moved my hand from the hold it had on my arm towards her shaky hand. Her eyes softened, a bit anyway. I knew that feeling. The feeling of touching someone. Of being able to comfort. Her skin was rough. She probably worked on the mines before. I even bet she worked double so that the rest of her family didn't have to. Because that's what i did before. I worked double at the farm so that my sister and my mother didn't have to. There an intermittence coming from the stage and the girl drops the hold she had on my hand. Is it weird to say that i wish she hadn't? Its almost like saying goodbye to my sister all over again. She focuses her glance towards the judges. So i do too. Since I've been standing here, i haven't gotten a good look at them. There are four of them. The assigners. that's their job. They decide were you are going to be for the rest of your life. There are different places you could go depending on whether you are high class, middle class or the grounders. I would belong to the latter one. I'm proud of who i am, and i know my choices. As a born in the grounders, i will not be allowed to get to a higher class, not even by marriage. Born grounder, die grounder. IF you are born in a high class, its deeply advised-i'm sure they would kill you if you did otherwise- to marry within the high class. If you are middle class, you hope for a chance to grow, but wouldn't dream to push it, because you could be exiled. So, depending where you come from, determines where you'll end up. The assigners start speaking and i get sick in the stomach. I look up to the guy on the stage and i wish to never know what he is feeling. He must be terrified. The assigners must have spoken their truth already because the guards are coming to get the boy. He must be 17 at most. Tall, very pale. By the looks of his clothing probably from the night workers. There are two ways you leave that stage, either walking towards your new life or being carried by guards. The latter one does not end with a happy ending. Depending on the crime that you have committed they would either surrender you to the scientists or exile you. The exile on this particular case sounds much better. There are rumors about the scientists and what goes on the laboratories. The crowd is done with their clapping. Before you start thinking that they would enjoy giving a 17 year old boy such a shitty future, they are forced to clap. They are forced as much as we are. The only difference is they wont do anything because they got a good deal. We work, we sacrifice our lives, we live scared, they get to enjoy everything. If they were to rebel, they would be sent to exile. The assigners speak again. Announcing the next number to go up to the stage. A guard is walking towards us all. Coming to pick us and push us towards the stage. My hands are sweating. I feel the guards eyes fixed on the girl next to me. I realize just about now that she is crying. Her number must have been said. I nudge her just a bit so that she walks up, its better to go on your own than have a guard throw you in. If you walk, the assigners might see you are disciplined and might have compassion. If a guard throws you in, it would give them an excuse for the fucked up system. The girl wont budge. she is crying so much tears have draped all over her dress. The guard grabs her by the arm and swifts her to her feet. Without doubt her arm must hurt. She is so tiny and fragile. I wish i could go instead of her. I wish i could take away her pain and i would only hope for someone to do the same with my sister. The guard pushes her into the stage, she is shaking while walking towards the center of the stage. Her blue eyes gazing through the crowd hoping for someone to stop this. I realize by now that another a boy has sat next to me. Taking up her seat. That breaks something in me. Knowing that someone else is gonna sit in my chair and live the same thing we are all living. I wish the system would just stop. But it cant. It wont. The assigners speak up one by one to the fragile girl that used to sit next to me. Her knees go weak and she falls to the floor. Oh shit, please let her get up quick. They will beat her up if she doesn't. I start biting my nails. Anxious. Scared. Terrified. Shaking. The guards go on and throw her onto their arms, caring her out by the force. Oh god, i wonder what will happen with her.i hear words and whispering but i have my eyes in shock. my number has been asked to go on stage. I cant find it in me to walk. But i know whats best. And doing otherwise wont make my situation any better.I stand from where i am sitting, look behind towards the 23 kids sitting on the floor behind me. All waiting to never sit in my chair. I wish i could give them some words of encouragement but all i could do is blink at them and smile. Smile beyond my terrified eyes. They will never brake us. That's what i had hoped my smile transmitted. I walk slowly towards the center of the stage, my brown boots making a squeaky noise. I hold my hands in front of me so that they see that i come with grace. Holding hands in front of you- only if you are a grounder- means that you come at peace and accept your destiny. I break contact with my boots and i look up. The fat belly guy and the woman with the puffy hair are now looking at me. For the first time, i have a bunch of strangers look at me. Interested in me. Most times, high and middle class people wont even look me in the eye. Now i'm their entertainment. I catch sight of the judges- the assigners. There are four of them. They aren't quite as i pictured them. All wearing gold around their necklaces and hands. Brown eyed psychopaths. There are three old aged white men and a woman, whom i believe might be the worse of them all. They are reading my file. That carpet with four pages that are my nightmare. If anything on that carpet raises a red flag i will be sent to the scientist most likely. If i ever stole anything they'll send me to the worse work life. THE woman raises her head from my carpet and her glasses almost fall over from the bridge of her nose, she pushes them back up and stares at me. For a brown eyed 60 year old woman she doesn't have that much wrinkles. Her lips part and i hope for the best. - You have stolen haven't you? - she speaks with no doubt in her voice. while gazing me up and down. my eyes dart nervously towards the place i used to sit, just a small glance, and i realize a new kid has taken up my spot. This will never end.I have never stolen in my entire life. But my mom did. She once stole a book from a library in the city. She was in charge of the delivery of the fruits and vegetables from the farm to the city. And that day, she had gone past a library. We aren't allowed to have books and educate ourselves. My mom never went to school, i never went to school. We learnt as much as we could from neighbors who would tell us stories from before the regiment. So when my mom caught sight of a book outside the library she grabbed it. She didn't mean to steal. But she wanted us to be able to read. There were only two people who knew how to read in the grounders, and one was already dead. So my mom wanted me and my sister to educate ourselves. To know how to read and maybe even have a chance at writing. We were able to read that book twice and even learn a few things. But someone ratted us out and the guards came darting inside our small bricked house. I took the fall for that. Its what had to be done. My sister was too young and needed mom more than me. I couldn't let them take her. So i said i did it. I wasn't allowed to come home for an entire month. They did worse things than you can imagine. They took something from me that i wont ever be able to get back. - Yes ma'am. - I blink back the tears threatening to get out. That's what they want from me. To give them a spectacle. To cry. To pee myself. But i wont. I'm not giving them the satisfaction.She lowers her glance back to my carpet. The room goes quiet. I'm not sure that i was supposed to answer her. I'm not sure i'm supposed to even look at them. Shit. I cant be sent on exile. who the fuck will look after mom and my sister if i'm sent away? Or even worse, i cant protect them if i'm being tortured by the scientists! My hands are sweating and i'm afraid they'll break apart because of it. I hold on tighter. I take a deep breath and just wait for their decision based on bullshit.She looks up again but this time the other three heads look up at the same time. They knew where they were going to send me even before letting me come out. It doesn't matter what I've done or how well behaved you were. They will always choose what benefits them. The fucking regimen. It wasn't meant to be like this, but as all politicians go, it was corrupt.It was meant to help us. To save us. They would organize us and help us grow. The grounders were first meant to be able to grow to the high class. But that never happened, and as each ceremony went by, grounders took on even worse jobs. The politicians were untouchable. There was no way to take them out of their place. They were protected by the high class and the middle class. Even though they pitted us, they would never risk the chance to end up like us. It got to the point that everyone understood that in order to have people in a high class, there had to be people in the lower class. If not chaos would reign. So based on your income from before the regimen you were put in a certain class. As you might notice, we got fucked over. The unapologetic woman spoke up and the audience grew more intrigued. I couldn't tell if seconds had gone by or years. Most likely seconds. It took them seconds to determine the rest of my life.
