Loving an illusion....or not.

"FAMILY"

Walking through the streets back to the place that was once called home was the longest journey I took in my life.

Ringing the bell I slowly waited for My  Father to open the door because of his believe that men were supposed to open door for anybody and had the upper hand in everything.

I can't believe a small thing like  opening a door was considered as an oppurtunity to show their control.

As always he had a serious look on face , as if my mere  presence  was exhausting him. Love - something I stopped seeing on his face a long time ago.

As soon as I entered I dropped my bag on the couch , which earned a glare from my dad which I ignored as usual and went to the washroom - most people said it was the most negative place in a house - Well I found most solace in that room.

I bend down washing my face multiple times as if it would take away the ugliness or distraught on my face my parents pointed out daily. 

" Where is mum?" I asked Veronica throwing my towel at her which caused her to throw the apple in her hand towards me.

" She went to buy the things for tonight's dinner" She said munching the apple I threw back at her.

" What is so special about tonight" I asked her confused on the sudden information.

" Uncle James and Aunt Emily is coming , its his birthday , god I hope I get a present" Her words stopped me from taking a step forward that I almost didn't the last part.

He was a damn criminal . He was the black sheep . He destroyed my not only my childhood but also my teenage .

I was only 7 not knowing what was happening only knowing that his hands down my body hurt more. When my dad held me close , I felt warmth I felt safe , but his hands were rough nothing like my dad he also touched me in a way - today i know-people were not supposed to touch.

This was My Family , the greatest circus in town with MY DAD - who believed women were always supposed to be at men's feet . He was homophobic and felt the need to express in front of my face everyday due to Alice.

My MOM was the perfect example of a perfect wife , listening to every word he said , she wasn't a bad mother she always wanted to be the most pleasing one

My Sister was the present to my hopes of 2 years , I always wanted a sibling  she was not bad she was rebellious but Dad's favorite . She had a boyfriend who was not very nice person but he wasn't any bad to her. She is very persistent and blunt.

Then there was me who was only a part of the family because of the same blood flowing in our veins. I was different , to love and to be loved two things that would never occur in my life.