Rimmer lay cuddled into Lister's side, his hand on the scouser’s chest feeling the gentle rise and fall as Lister snored loudly. They had been together for almost a year now but still Rimmer often lay awake wondering when it would all go wrong. Just like everything else in his life had. Why would Lister want to be with a neurotic dead man? Rimmer knew he wasn’t what Lister deserved but he was all he had so Lister had settled for him. These thoughts ran through his head as he stared at the beautiful man next to him. The man that Rimmer loved . And yet Rimmer could never say it because he knew Lister didn’t love him the same way.
Lister blinked his eyes open and reached a hand up to rub his face, his other arm tightening around the hologramatic form beside him. He turned his head and found himself staring into the eyes of the beautiful hologram. Lister could see that Rimmer had not “slept" very much – if at all – that night from the faintness of his light and the sleep-deprived blinking of his hazel eyes.
“You know, you don’t recharge anywhere near enough Arn. It’s unhealthy.”
“I’m perfectly fine.” Rimmer stated bluntly as he stood up. He flickered slightly and swayed before becoming solid and steady and walked over to the sofa.
“No, you’re not. You haven’t slept for something like the past 3 days. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”
“I don’t need to sleep I’m a hologram.”
“But you need to recharge Arnie. If you don’t, your battery will run out and die.” Lister stood up, pulling on a t-shirt and trousers. The man made his way over to his boyfriend who was sat rigidly at the end of the sofa. “And if your battery runs out I’ll be left alone.” Lister put his arms around Rimmer’s neck from behind clasping them together over the blue clad chest that Lister loved. He loved all of Rimmer. Every inch of him. Every aspect of his life and personality, as annoying as his little obsessions with rules and regulations were, they were also slightly endearing. He just couldn’t say it to Rimmer. The hologram had had a pressurising and traumatic childhood, had been laughed at and bullied his whole life, and had then died. Lister didn’t want to rush Rimmer into anything or force him to be in love with him. And telling Rimmer that he was madly in love probably did exactly that.
“Don’t you guilt trip me into leading a good death-style.” Rimmer grumbled as Lister walked round to sit beside him.
“Rimmer, you know that if something is bothering you, you can talk to me. I’m your boyfriend. I want to listen.”
Rimmer looked up into the dark brown pools set in the soft, chocolate skin of his boyfriend. They were so full of love and understanding and care - things Rimmer’s life had lacked severely – that Rimmer hardly had time to process what his mouth was saying before looking down and blurting out
“I’m scared Listy.”
Lister’s brow furrowed and he brought a hand up to Rimmer’s face and the other to his hand where he interlaced their fingers
“Scared? Scared of what?”
Rimmer looked down at their entwined hands and muttered
“Us"
“Us?”
“Yes. Us. I’m terrified of what is happening because everything in my life has just crashed and burned and nothing ever goes right for me and all I am doing is lying awake waiting for you to get angry and fed up or realise that you only settled for me and that I am nothing but a part time shag to keep you sane. And the worst part is that even though I know this could go horribly wrong, I am madly in love with you and I have never loved anyone like this and I never thought I would. My heart literally hurts every time you are upset or angry or anything but happy and every time you aren’t here with me, all I can think about is you and when you are here I can't stop staring at you because you’re beautiful and wonderful and that’s why it hurts because I love you.” The words tumbled from Rimmer’s mouth before he could stop them and when he realised what he said he looked up at Lister in shock and terror to find him...
... smiling? A full grin that lit up the scouser’s face and made him even more beautiful if that were possible.
“Oh Arnold, you’re a complete smeg pot aren’t you? You really think that all this doesn’t mean anything to me? I didn’t settle for you, I fell in love with you. I don’t think of you as a part time shag and I can promise you that this wont go all wrong. I never told you I love you because I didn’t want to pressure you into anything. I’m never going to hate you or stop loving you. I promise. Because I love you too Arnie.”
“Really?” the hologram was overwhelmed with surprise. Lister loved him. Him. Holy smeg. Rimmer couldn’t stop himself as he leant in and placed a hungry kiss on Lister’s lips who happily obliged.
When they finally had to come up for air, both of them were grinning and they just stared into each others eyes as Lister breathed
“I love you so much Arnie.”
“I love you too Listy.”
