Short stories

Verimaji Cal Homes

Elodie Zimbra checked her watch and tapped her foot. "Where is everyone?" she wondered. Sure, the house was infested with pixies, tended to move the rooms around and the previous owners had been eaten by a Snorgle who lived under the porch. But they had fixed the Snorgle problem! Mostly. The house was in a prime location for discreetly landing broomsticks, flying carpets, and all other modes of transportation. Plus, it had a dungeon that would attract any families with irritating kids. With a few tweaks, it would be the perfect home for a magical family. If anyone showed up. She heard an engine coming up the road and soon enough, a minivan parked in front of the house. Frowning, she walked over to it. Most prospective buyers arrived using more traditional ways, like family dragons and such.

"Hello! Is this an open house?" a cheery woman with a slicked-back brown ponytail said, stepping out of the car. She was wearing a spotless pink pantsuit and had unnaturally perfect teeth. A man dressed in button-down shirt and slacks stepped out from the other side, talking to someone on a mobile phone. Elodie raised her eyebrows. They didn't seem very...magical. They seemed like ordinary humans. But they were the only people who were thinking of buying the house, so she put on a bright grin and introduced herself.

"Hello, I'm Elodie Zimbra, the real estate agent for the company Verimaji Cal Homes." The woman clapped her hands together and beamed.

"I think this is the one," she admitted. "We saw the photos and it looks wonderful." she turned around and knocked on the windows of the car. "Come on kids! Let's go look at the house." Out of the car came a disgruntled looking teenage boy with black and green hair, a little girl holding a book nearly half her size with glasses, and a toddler sucking her thumb with pigtails.

"This is Andrew, Sarah, and Kimberly. Silly me!" she exclaimed. "I didn't introduce myself. I am Mary Suzuki, and this is my husband Jiro Suzuki." she pinched her husband, who was still on the phone and he nodded. Elodie introduced herself once more.

"I am Elodie Zimbra." she waved at the kids, who said nothing. They all stood there in silence until Sarah, the one holding the book spoke up.

"Why are you holding a branch?" Sarah asked.

"It's a staff, and it's a company-wide requirement to always have it. Real estate can be dangerous," she responded, puzzled by the fact they didn't know the most basic magical item other than wands. "Let's go look at the house," she suggested after an awkward silence ensued. The family followed her up the porch steps, where they encountered the first obstacle.

The Snorgle had smashed through the porch, leaving a gaping hole. Elodie leaped over the hole and sighed. She was getting tired of real estate. Always having to jump and dodge and fend off angry beasts. Perhaps it was time to retire. Mrs. Suzuki looked very worried about the hole.

"Are you going to fix that, or will we have to? This was not on the website." Elodie sighed. They were already concerned about the house. Things were not going well.

"Yeah, this house is a bit of a fixer-upper. But with a few tweaks, it'll be the perfect home for a magical family." Mr. Suzuki wandered around the hole, not even registering it was there. The kids all jumped over the hole, and the group entered the house.

Inside the entryway, there were pixie droppings and Snorgle slime everywhere. Little Kimberly almost waddled right into a big pile of slime. Her mother swooped her up just in time, wrinkling her nose at the smell.

"Good call," Elodie stated. "That stuff does not come out in the wash. And it has some pretty nasty side effects." Mrs. Suzuki raised her eyebrows and clutched Kimberly close. She delicately weaved her way through, grimacing and saying, "Ew ew ew ew." Sarah and Andrew jumped over the piles, though Elodie noticed Andrew pick up some pixie droppings and sniffing them. Miraculously Mr. Suzuki, who was still on the phone, didn't step in any of the piles. He was too wrapped up in his conversation to even notice the stench. Elodie was giving the family a lecture on the history of the house when she noticed a faint grumbling sound. She ignored it at first, but it grew louder and louder. Her eyes widened as she realized too late what it was. The Snorgle was back. It crashed through the floorboards and reared up. It was a terrifying creature, it looked like a gigantic mix of a worm, hamster, octopus, and pufferfish. Mrs. Suzuki and Sarah started screaming, Kimberly began to cry, and Andrew looked petrified. Mr. Suzuki, who was still on the phone shushed them, not having noticed the giant monster behind them. Mrs. Suzuki slapped the phone out of his hand and turned him around. The blood drained from his face when he saw the creature.

"Let's bring the tour upstairs," Elodie suggested. "Back away slowly and you will be fine. The Snorgle is blind, he won't notice you unless you make noise."

"What is a Snorgle?!" Andrew screamed. That got the Snorgle's attention. It turned toward them and crawled as fast as it could.

"That is a Snorgle," Elodie said as everyone ran screaming upstairs. She walked calmly behind them for Snorgles are rather sluggish above ground. Unfortunately, upstairs the rooms were busy rearranging themselves. The Suzuki family stood frozen, watching the doorways disappear and reappear, moving around.

"What's happening?" Mr. Suzuki demanded.

"The rooms are rearranging themselves," Elodie explained.

"How?" the entire family yelled at once. Puzzled, Elodie responded,

"They're magic. It's a company procedure to only sell magical houses. It's in the name." They all stood there speechless, gaping at her.

"What? But magic isn't real!" Andrew said.

"Actually, according to several studies and famous books, it is real, just very rare. Have you never heard of Harry Potter?" Sarah snapped. Mr. Suzuki started swaying back and forth.

"He's going to faint!" Mrs. Suzuki cried. She put Kimberly down and caught him. She hoisted him up into her arms like she was cradling a baby. They all stared at her.

"What? I've been working out. Now how can we get rid of that...thing downstairs?"

 Elodie grimaced, "Um...well...you see, it's a very...magical process to get rid of it. You guys aren't very magical."

Mrs. Suzuki looked offended.

"I think you will find that we are perfectly capable of defeating that thing." Sarah and Andrew nodded. Elodie studied them, trying to figure out how they could be useful. A plan started to come together in her mind. Pulling them together in a huddle, she explained it and sent them off to gather supplies.

They met up at the bottom of the stairs, Sarah with her book and some rope, Andrew holding Kimberly and his headphones, Mrs. Suzuki armed with a baseball bat, and a very groggy Mr. Suzuki holding an ice cream bucket. The Snorgle was currently in the living room, which bought them some time. They scurried to their positions. Andrew set Kimberly down and took her teddy bear. She began to scream and cry, drawing the Snorgle back to the landing. It crawled toward her as her screams got louder and louder. Distracted by the screaming it didn't hear Mr. Suzuki crawling underneath it. He took the bucket of ice cream and shoved it up onto the Snorgle's teeth. It reared up and wailed, the ice cream was hurting its sensitive teeth. Andrew crawled up onto its back, sticking his earbuds into the Snorgle's ears. He turned the volume on full and started blasting heavy metal music. The Snorgle now could not hear or smell (it smelled using its teeth). Sarah ran and smacked it with her book. It turned from the impact and Mrs. Kimberly swung and knocked it unconscious. She ran and picked up Kimberly, comforting her. Elodie wrapped up the Snorgle up using the rope summoned Beast Control. Beast Control removed the Snorgle, remarking that it was the easiest job they had had in years. Now that the Snorgle was under control, she turned to the Suzuki family.

"So, would you be interested in buying the house? I know you're probably not, but its company procedure to ask." The Suzuki's looked at each other. Mr. Suzuki turned to Elodie.

"Actually, yeah we would love to buy it. This is the most we have worked together in years." Mrs. Suzuki chimed in.

"Yeah, Jiro and I are always working, Sarah always reading, Andrew is always blasting music and hanging with his friends, and Kimberly just kind of follows us around. It was wonderful to actually...be aware of each other." She smiled happily. Elodie mentally high fived herself. She had sold the house! But she was tired of constantly having to get her clothes covered in slime, this was her last house. She was ready to retire. Might as well finish her career on a high note.

"Great, so sign here, here, full name, fingerprint, a strand of hair, and that's it. The house is yours." The Suzuki family beamed. Elodie climbed onto her broom, and remembered something,

"Oh, you do know about the pixie infestation, right? Bye!" she flew off. The Suzuki's looked at each other.

"Did she just say pixie?"