honesty

supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

love is a strong word isn't it? an intense feeling of deep affection. a great interest and pleasure in something. feeling a deep romantic or sexual attraction to someone. it's all love. but that's not what being in love really is. it's not about sexual attraction, or happiness. love is caring about someone beyond all rationality, even when it destroys you, and breaks you, and burns you from inside out. love is the most amazing and most heartbreaking feeling someone could possibly experience. it makes you crazy. it makes you vulnerable. it makes you want whatever is best for the person you're in love with even if it kills you. and that feeling not being retaliated, fucking rips you to shreds. love is not about being married, or being in a relationship with someone, although that could be the wall that's holding you back from seeing that this, might be what you want, but it is not love. and what you're too blinded to see is that all it really is, is the tape covering that hole in your chest, when you should be looking for a permanent fix. but love is not being so dependent on someone, to the point that they have the ability to ruin or brighten your day whenever they please. i've recently come to the conclusion that i have to be honest with myself. i'm not in love. it's just infatuation with someone because they're a temporary piece of tape for that that hole in my chest. i don't even feel that love for myself, but how am i supposed to love anybody else when i can't feel that with my own self? the person i've grown to be? the ME that i've been searching so long to find? i've been through too much to not give myself the love that I deserve, and if that love needs to come from me, i'll give myself everything. if i could give all of that love to someone else, then why can't i give it to myself?