While You Were Here

Chapter 5

I'm still shaken up when the time comes for me to face the school. I betrayed my own vow and fell asleep for three hours. After that, I just got up and got ready. I don't linger around my house or in my car, I just drive to school. I don't want to talk to anybody. It feels like everyone is staring straight through my soul. When I climb out of my car, I'm greeted with S.J.

"What the hell do you want?" I ask. My hands start trembling again and I grip my keys so he doesn't notice.

"Still traumatized by him, ya little baby?" S.J. sneers. I freeze.

"What?'

"Do you picture him dying over and over again? Does that haunt you?"

"Don't pretend, S.J.," I say, finding my voice. I get out of my car and gather my things.

"Pretend? I'm not pretending anything," he says easily. I slam my door suddenly, startling him.

"If I didn't run after him, you would've. I know you were there. I know you watched it happen. I know that you were too late." I've never mentioned that I knew S.J. was outside with me. He watched from the window until he noticed me be thrown onto the shoulder. Then he came. But the car never braked. He was too late.

"Shut up, Colette," he snaps. His jaw is clenched and his breathing is quick and shallow.

"No matter how much of an asshole you were, well are, you didn't want him to die. But that's exactly what happened." S.J. punches me in the jaw which effectively shuts me up. His eyes are angry and sad and hurt all at the same time.

"I loved him, you know!" he says, his voice shrill. His chin is shaking like crazy and his hands are flapping.

"You weren't the only one who loved him, Colette. You weren't the only one he'd call." S.J. stalks off. I just stand there for a minute, holding my chin. I shouldn't have pushed him. But he had it coming. He might just leave me alone for a few days now.

I walk into the school fully intending to go to first block. Ryan's sick so he won't be here today. The thought of him not being here to calm me down makes my anxiety flare. I push the sick feeling back down but it lingers.

When I get to lunch, I'm greeted by Zoe, Emerson, Maggie, and Becky. I've known Emerson Park nearly as long as Zoe. Maggie and Becky are stepsisters who moved here a few years ago. They mostly keep to themselves but we've grown closer.

"You look like death," comments Emerson calmly.

"Shut up Emmy. Be nice to the sad girl," chides Zoe. I roll my eyes. "Will that joke ever get old?"

"No ma'am," say Maggie and Becky, in sync. They say most things in sync.

Zoe mock shudders. "Lord help me. It's like the Stepford Sisters Club up in here."

"Be nice to the freaks," adds in Emerson. "They might try to exorcise us or something."

"Are you demons?" I ask quickly.

There's a moment of silence. Zoe slams her head on the table. Emerson rolls her eyes and the girls just look at each other.

"No," growls Zoe. "Do I look a motherf-"

"Incoming," whispers Emerson. We all start chatting and eating again as Mike Devereaux approaches our table.

"Hello ladies," he says. Mike is a perfect example of a sleazy asshole. But he also happens to be one of Zoe's less than reputable ex-boyfriends so he makes his rounds to our table every day.

"Mike," says Zoe. She doesn't look up from the salad she's stabbing.

"Oh come on baby, don't be like that," he sweet talks.