While You Were Here

Chapter 18

I sit on my floor well into Saturday morning. I kick off my shoes and crawl into bed. I can't be bothered with pajamas so I just wear the dress. My makeup smears across the pillow but I can't summon the energy to care. 

"Colette? Honey? It's been almost 24 hours what's wrong?" My mom pounds on the door. 24 hours really? I glance over at the clock. I've spent today sleeping and crying and slamming my head into a wall. Ryan's texted me twice, long texts at that. 

The first one was: I did what I had to do, Colette. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry if you think I manipulated you but you really just manipulated me. You shouldn't say things if you don't mean them and I know you'll only ever love Nick because you're just that pathetic.

The second one was even better: I hope you understand. I can't compete with a ghost, Colette. You're going to be forver alone because even though you think S.J. lives in the past. it's you who makes it real for him. Ghosts make good company for the dead, Colette. Maybe you should join them. 

I scream and fling my phone at the wall. 

"COLETTE!" yells my mother. 

"WHAT?"

"ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?"

"OBVIOUSLY NOT!" I scream back. I hear her walk away and look over the clock. I end up staring at it for three hours. At twelve o'clock, I get up. I put on red Converse and walk outside. I feel like I'm a dream. When I start walking, I don't stop. I walk all the way to the high school. Ryan's words rattle around in my brain. 

Maybe you should join them

"Hey baby." I turn around and there's a gun aimed at my head. Nick's arm shakes. "Is everyone okay?" he asks.

"No," I shake my head. 

"Who got hurt?"

"Me. I got hurt," I snap.

"I didn't hit you, though," he says. His face scrunches up and his confusion is evident. 

"You left me all by myself. Always and forever, you promised," I say sadly. The wind picks up and cars are whizzing by faster. 

"I had to, baby-"

"No you didn't! We were fine!"

"Colette..you and I...we're not fine." His voice shakes and tears run down his face. "We're not meant for this life."

"Don't die on me. Not again," I plead. Nick bites his lip to stop the tears but his chin still quivers. 

"I have to, Col. I have to." 

"No you don't. S.J.'s gone insane. Jay Rogen is giving me love advice in the hallway, Ryan's just dumped me, and I'm slowly dying. This is what happens when you leave." I launch myself onto him and kiss his lips. He drops the gun and I feel his hands tangle in my hair. I wrap my legs around his waist. When we break apart, I lower his forehead onto mine. "But this....this is what happens while you're here." 

Nick puts me down gently.

'Goddamn," he says. "Aren't you something else." 

I tilt my head. "So I've been told." We look at each other for a little bit. 

"I have to do this, Colette," he says. His eyes are calm even though he's shaking. Nick runs into the road and I follow him.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" he screams at me. 

"I could probably talk us into Heaven," i say, latching onto his hand. Nick tries to shake me off but then we turn to face the headlights. It's the last thing I remember. 

                                                                                           

                                                                                 ...............

I feel like I'm coming out of a dream and suddenly there's loud noises and beeping and I'm standing in the road.

"Colette! COLETTE!" 

I open my eyes. A series of blurry faces are above me. I recognize Nick's among them.

"You got hit by a car," I say. 

"No, baby, it's okay," he says, trying to touch my head. I push him off.

"Where's Ryan?" 

Everyone in the room looks at each other. A nurse steps forward. "Honey who's Ryan?"