That Winter Night

The Touch & Horrid Joke

     The next week, me and my Nana were in the cat aisle. We were talking, then I saw Thomas walk past. He stopped for a split second and smiled. He possibly was going to talk to me, but then he kept walking. Things like that always made me have hope that he liked me and wanted something more for us.
    The next day, on March 6th, we were back at Melvin's because we had forgotten a few things. My Nana and I went into the cat aisle, and he was in there with one of the guy employees. Thomas said nothing to either of us.
     My Nana asked about a cat litter, and he said that they didn't carry it anymore. I wanted to talk to him, but I was scared to with the other employee, so we both left the aisle.
    Nana told me, later on, that I should just go talk to him because it was the only opportunity that I would have. So, I took her advice and asked in heart what to say before walking in.
    I asked, "Thomas? She wanted me to verify... do you got the black one or not anymore?"
    He replied, "Only in the big jugs, not in the little ones."
    Looking at that now, I don't like the terminology he used, but whatever. Anyway, I asked, "Why?"
    He answered, "I don't know. I don't do the ordering."
    Then, to lighten the mood, I said, "I never see two people in the cat aisle anymore."
    Then, Thomas made the joke, "This is my lover, Carl."
    Catching me off guard, I said, "That's just..."
    Thomas repeated, "He's my lover. Ask em?"
    Due to my beliefs and because I liked him, I said, "Don't say that."
    Thomas said, "No, ask him."
    I said, "No, don't say that. Tell me that's just a joke."
    Thomas said, "No. It's my lover."
    Repeating myself again, I said, "Don't say that."
    Carl said, "What?"
    Thomas said, "You're my lover."
    The guy said, "Yeah."
    Thomas said, "See! What happens after work is we get some margaritas."
    Carl said, "I can't do that tonight."
    Thomas laughed, and I said, "You two are really weird."
    Thomas said, "That's cause we love each other."
    The guy said, "We're gay; we're different."
    I said, "You're not gay."
    The guy said, "Says you." Thomas laughed.
    I said, "I... I say differently. You guys are weird."
    Thomas said, "Cause we're in love."
    Starting to get angry and on edge from this horrid 'joke', I said, "Stop saying that!" At which, I reverted to my online self and the person that everyone knows and said, "You know I don't like that."
    Thomas then bashed me and said, "She's a homophobe."
    Angry, I said, "I'm not a homophobe!"
    The guy said, "Clearly you are. To express my sexual feelings for him." Thomas continued to laugh with the guy, not seeing that I was getting angry and feeling very uncomfortable.
    I said, "No, that's not the point. It's just... you know..." I was trying to point out the fact that Thomas was interested, or so I thought, in me.
    He didn't get the point and said, "No, I don't know?"
    I said, "You... know?"
    Thomas said, "I don't know."
    I said, "If you don't know why... there's something really wrong with this picture." Since they had already bashed and called me a homophobe, I threw in, "Not on that part of it."
    Thomas, again, said, "I don't know."
    At that moment, I wanted to tell him that I knew that he wasn't attracted to guys because he was into me and because I liked him. I had a feeling not to. So, I said, "I'm not going to tell you. I think it's kinda obvious."
    Thomas asked the guy, "Uh, are you seeing something I'm not seeing?"
    The guy said, "I don't know what you're talking about?"
    Thomas said, "I don't know what I'm talking about."
    I was going to say that I liked him and that Thomas liked me, but I knew they would say something mean or something that would make me feel bad, despite feelings or not.
He already crossed the line, and he didn't even know it. So, knowing that was the direction I was going in,  I chose a different path, which still didn't work. I said, "The point it... I don't know. I lost every train of thought at all."
    The guy said, "One of the first signs of homophobes. You don't remember who you are, where you are. It happens."
    Continuing to get ticked off, I said, "What? That's not the point. I'm not a homophobe."
I wasn't lying. I'm not a homophobe, but I got my beliefs surrounding that, which is one of the reasons that it angered me. Though, still, I'm not getting into that cause it's not important in this story.
I continued, "Trust me. It's just... and forgive me if I'm wrong, but you said you have a girlfriend."
    I touched Thomas's back trying to get into happier terms, but he ruined it and said, "Yeah. That's my girlfriend. One's gotta be a guy, one's gotta be the girl."
    Trying to laugh it off, I said, "I don't think he believes you."
    The guy said, "I don't know. I love him, but I can't listen to him all day."
    Thomas said to the guy, "Don't worry, babe."
    Saying what I felt but trying to keep it from a bash, I said, "Ew. You're so weird... But I like that."
    Thomas said, "How am I weird? He's my lover. Look at those cheeks. How can you not love those cheeks?"
    It was a feeling, so I did it. I walked up to him and said, "And how can you not love these ones." I touched his right cheek with my left hand.
    Despite what happened later, that moment was monumental for me. It was the first time I ever touched a guy's face before. The thing I remembered most was the way that his facial hair felt. It was really soft. Though, that is just a memory in the chamber.
Immediately after, he said, "Let's not touch me."
    Thinking I heard him wrong, I said, "Hm?"
    He said, "I said, 'Let's not touch me'."
    Thomas walked away from me a bit and made this cute reaction face, like he enjoyed it, despite what he may have said. Like the touch triggered emotions that he hadn't felt in a long time.
    Though, because of what he had told me, I changed the subject and said, "Is the cat food aisle the next thing they're going to be changing?"
    Thomas said, "Yeah. It'll be going to the back. I don't know when." He even was dropping a few cans and wasn't fully focused, was it because of me?
    A little later on, I felt like I had crossed the line despite his facial expression, so I said, "I didn't mean to touch you. Trust me, I didn't mean that."
    Thomas said, "Nah, you're good." I didn't hear him that good cause he walked out of the aisle for another box. So, he repeated, "I said, 'You're good'."
    I said, "I probably froze you. That's the only thing that I feared that I might have done cause my hands are cold. I didn't, right?"
    He said, "Huh?"
    I said, "I didn't freeze you, right?"
    Thomas said, "Nah, you're good. I just don't like being touched."
    Agreeing with him, I said, "Trust me, that's why I don't like being hugged. Nobody's allowed to hug me."
    Thomas looked at me with these dreamy eyes, and said, "Okay."
    Correcting myself, I said, "Well, my family anyway", cause I still wanted him to hug me one day. Though, would it happen?
    Thomas then ruined the mood and said, "I hug this big man all the time."
    I said, "You guys are weird."
    Thomas said, "Think I'm weird, but I'm not kidding."
    From the way he looked at me, I knew, but I said, "I know you're kidding."
    He said, "Okay."
    Wanting to say that I knew that he liked me from the way he was looking at me in that moment, I said, "And there's... I just... I do. Because of that."
    He said, "Huh?"
Then, to the guy, he said, "I'll be right back... I gotta go to the bathroom."
Thomas looked at me and pointed at me and said, "See you later."
He walked out of the aisle and that was the last time me and Thomas would ever be in the cat aisle together.
    That whole day was a flash. I was so excited that I was able to touch Thomas on his face because I never had done anything like that before. Was it all going to go down into ruins, in time?
    Despite the touch, I really didn't appreciate that awful joke they did to me. Was it true? I doubt it, but Thomas did wear two earrings in his ears, so did it mean that? I'd never truly know, but it was like talking to a whole other guy cause he didn't act like himself. Maybe that was who he really was, and I didn't like it, to be honest.
    A guy with a joking personality is nice. Though, a joke that much over the line is not appropriate, especially at their age. I didn't appreciate it at all.
    When Thomas left to go to the bathroom, was  he really using the restroom? Was he trying to get away from me? Or did something else happen? I'd never know the whole story. I'd just have to assume. That blush face after touching him would live in my memory for a monumental mark in my life.
    After that, all I wanted was for the chapter with Thomas to open, especially the night that happened, I was talking to my Nana. I mentioned that I still had an annoying baby tooth in, and I said, "I know that I won't get my first kiss till this tooth comes out." I touched the tooth, and it shifted. At that moment, I knew that it was going to come out soon.
    With that happening, I thought that I would be getting my first kiss with Thomas but would that happen? Was that "accident" for Thomas or for someone else in or coming into my life soon?
    The next day, the tooth partially came out. That week, I had to have the rest of the baby tooth pulled out. Thankfully, the grown-up tooth was behind it, so it wasn't as noticable. With that, I was ready for the next moment, but it wasn't what I expected, that's for sure.